Featured

Travel TikTok


Who else spent all last summer working? And who else now barely has any money, and will end up going into overdraft? I remember that on my days off, I would look at travel TikTok. Which I guess makes sense, considering that we had been in a pandemic for the last, well, 1 and a half years. But never mind, because at least there was TikTok to keep us company, and to, well, keep us hopeful about what we may be able to do in the following year. And guess what guys! I have been lucky, as I have only recently returned from Portugal, and it was bloody beautiful! Yet, also expensive. Of course, there is also the time factor. And although it is true that a lot of us would rather spend our young years travelling, as opposed to working our buts off, if it were so easy and doable, surely more people would be doing it.  

What is Travel TikTok? 

Travel TikTok refers to short videos on TikTok featuring various places suggested for people to visit, which are often aesthetically appealing. However, digging a little deeper into travel TikTok, I found that some of the videos contained extremely helpful messages to potential viewers. For a start, the videos had places which would suggest destinations which the viewer “probably hasn’t heard of.” Therefore, if less popular destinations are being featured on TikTok, it should lead to less over tourism. This would reduce overcrowding in small areas, which would have a positive impact on locals, the general environment and even tourists! Plus, it does make sense to travel to less well-known places because it is likely to be far less expensive! Finally, I would like to mention that there are many full-time travelers on TikTok who produce tips, including tips on solo travelling, guidance on how travelling can be done on a budget, and even tips on how to travel the world- as a rather tempting alternative to settling down in life… 

The Advantages of Travel 

So, from what you have heard so far, “travel TikTok” is not only innocent, but it can also be extremely helpful. As National Geographic puts it, TikTok may end up changing the way in which people go about travelling, which is especially true for millennials and Gen z who are more likely to use TikTok than the older generations. But let’s remind ourselves of the advantages of travelling. Also, it enables us to see and experience a range of diverse cultures, which enables us to open our minds and understand people around us. From a more practical point of view, in the interconnected world that we are in today, this could be something of real value in the workplace. Finally, whilst this is just my own opinion, the purpose of us being in the world is to be able to experience things, see and learn new things, and really to have fun.  

Problems with Travel

Nonetheless, it is now important to take a deeper dive into this generation’s obsession with travel and see whether this is something as feasible as it appears. As “web MD” states, being able to travel somewhere is an Exciting Privilege. Exciting because hell yes, if you can travel somewhere, see somewhere new, and if you happen to be between 18 and I do not know late 20s, then get drunk every night without feeling guilty, then it is extremely exciting! Nonetheless, as already mentioned, it is awfully expensive, making frequent travel unfeasible for many. Another point about travel, According to Web MD again, is that people who travel extensively may be using it as a form of escapism, rather than as a way of addressing their former problems. This can potentially be dangerous, because of course when you go to a new place, especially on your own, nothing is familiar, and you are less likely to have close friends or family there who have your back, therefore adapting to new routines alone can leave someone already vulnerable, well even more vulnerable. Meanwhile, it can prevent people from settling down in life. Meanwhile, travel can have a negative impact on local and global environments.  

How we can Overcome this

 However, there are ways in which the environmental impacts can be mitigated. For instance, you can visit out of peak season. Furthermore, flights and accommodation are likely to be far cheaper. Also, there is the option of going to places where less people have heard of, because again these places are likely to be just as nice, potentially even nicer as there’s fewer people trying to visit at the same time, compared to places which suffer significant constraints of over tourism. Some other ways of travelling responsibly can include aiming to spend money on local businesses, such as in small cafes or in local markets, be environmentally conscious when travelling such as using the local public transport when you can and appreciating and taking note of cultural differences. Again, on TikTok I admit that I have seen little on tips concerning how to be more environmentally friendly when travelling, and while it is fair that there are plenty of environmental posts if you have the right for you page, this does not link to travelling.  

Culture Contrast

Another issue concerning tourism is the potential contrast of cultures. Often when travelling to a country with a culture very different to one’s own, it can lead to culture shock, which according to “go overseas,” relates to a feeling of disorientation, annoyance, and/or hostility experienced when you visit a country with norms and traditions different from your own.” Therefore, this is something which does take time to adapt to, nonetheless if large groups of tourists simply choose not to adapt, this can be discomforting for the local population. An effective way to overcome this is to read up on the culture before you visit somewhere whether you are going to volunteer or just to visit the place.  

Overall, travel TikTok has a positive impact, encouraging people to try and explore more of the world, and suggesting cheaper ways of doing this. Nonetheless, it is important to be aware of some of the advantages and disadvantages of travel, while it would be good if travel TikTok could contain more advice concerning how to travel in a sustainable and healthy way. 

Podcast Link!

Sources

  1. https://www.nationalgeographic.com/travel/article/tik-tok-travel 
  1. https://junkee.com/eight-dangerous-things-about-being-obsessed-with-travel-in-your-20s/129762 
  1. https://exploringyourmind.com/wanderlust-syndrome-an-obsession-for-travel/ 
  1. https://www.responsibletravel.com/copy/what-is-overtourism 
  1. https://www.bigworldshortstories.com/disadvantages-of-travelling/ 
Featured

I’m Back!!!


Hello, so after a longer than anticipated break, I have decided to finally return to this blog. Long story short, I have been pretty busy over the past few months, and while this has been the case in the past, I found that keeping up with this blog was getting a bit much for me while I was firstly working full time during the summer, and then when I was settling into university. Another problem I faced was lack of motivation, but I do feel a lot more motivated now than I did a few months ago 🙂 

So, the last few months have been, well, interesting but overall, they have been good. Back in September I moved into Swansea University, and so far, I would say that overall, the experience has been a positive one. I am pleased that I have made some good friends, although I would say I have not really established any close friendships yet, but then that is expected after having only been there for a term. I am enjoying the course, although I was disappointed at the fact that there was only three hours of learning a week in person. This was subject to increase come the next semester, although I am not sure what is going to happen now considering the covid situation. Also, there is so much reading, but at the same time the more I do the easier it gets, and the more interesting it becomes. Oh, and I did not particularly enjoy writing the essay about whether if someone takes out half a brain then puts it into some machine then puts it into a different body, if the dude with half a brain will be the same person as the poor guy who was about to have his brain removed. Oh, did I not explain it very well? Goes to show I still find some of this confusing. Being back at home for a bit, while feeling a little strange, does seem nice because I do feel I need a break from it all. 

So why have I not come back sooner? Well, I would say the main reason is because settling into uni has taken a fair bit of energy, as it would for anyone. Because I have been doing (some) uni work, I have had a part time job and then of course there is the social side, which I am pleased to say I think I have made the most of. But now that I have the Christmas holiday ahead of me, where I am not going to be working over, and that I am more settled into university, I should be able to spend more time on this blog once again. 

Also, if I am honest I have not been that motivated in the last few months, generally and concerning this blog. And I was thinking (well subconsciously) “oh, what is there actually to blog about, which I haven’t either repeated, or which I would be pretty shit at writing about). Yet suddenly, I have become pretty motivated, and I have thought of at least 10 different (proper) post ideas. And I want to start exercising again, start making jewellery again, and do loads of reading for uni. Even though that did not really happen much during “uni” itself! Undiagnosed ADHD or what? Finally, I am thinking of getting a TikTok account relating to this blog, because I often feel old school only producing posts combined of writing rather than producing something like a video or a podcast. As I know these are going to overtake articles and the like. For a bit, I did have an Instagram account for this, but I found it did get a little unhealthy and people were far more concerned for pictures of the sunset or pictures of myself which I had posted, compared to threads about these posts. But there you go… Talking of which, I am pretty sad Swansea do not seem to have a student newspaper anymore (is this something I should be sad about? I actually sound so nerdy now haha). But anyway, I might try the radio or something next term, like even if I am shit, there will be some nice people there, hopefully! 

One more thing, in the next week or so I do aim to update a few things on here, starting with the blog cover photo. Because really, what does a blog relating to social commentary I guess, have in common with a tree? It may be a nice tree, but still. Moreover, the profile picture is over a year old now, and one thing that is worse than current pictures of myself, is old pictures of myself! 

Anyways, enough of my rambling, I do not really feel comfortable being too personal on here. Also, sorry if I have not made total sense, I have rushed this post as it is just an update, but you guys hopefully get the gist. So, with that, I hope you all have a lovely Christmas and what have you, mine is going to be amazing (ok, I know I said I was not going to get personal).  

But anyway, I do hope you have a good Christmas! And if it isn’t going to be that great, then just eat extra amounts of junk food, drink loads of alcohol, then you will be ok! 

Bye for now 🙂 

Featured

Why you don’t have to be “That Girl”


Imagine this. You are in your late teens/early twenties, and for the first time in forever, you have a little bit of time for yourself. You may not know it, but you really do value this time. However, you do not have the energy or motivation to go for a walk, pick up a book or paint. Instead, yes you guessed right, the easiest thing to do is to pick up your phone. You are bored of Snapchat, these days Instagram just makes you feel like shit, and you only use Facebook to keep in contact with your grandparents. Instead, you choose to scroll through the glitzy, glamorous, and still new TikTok. Meanwhile, you wish to improve your life, you long to become more productive, and really you feel it is about time to take steps to improve your mental health. Perhaps as well, you have been through quite a bit of crap in the past, giving you a greater desire to reach a happier and healthier mindset. Lucky for you then, there are plenty of these short “self-improvement” videos in TikTok. In fact, these have become so desired that they have come to be known as “that girl.” You understand that there must be a reason for this because you are aware that you and some of your friends do not really have the healthiest lifestyle or have the healthiest of mindsets, yet all of you want to change this. 

What Being “That Girl” Means? 

This was also what I was wondering when I first came across this term. But the term refers to a young woman who at least seems to life a highly desirable and healthy lifestyle. While, as you can guess, “that girl” is used to motivate people to improve their lifestyles. Usually, it involves someone waking up early, sometimes at a ridiculous time, which in my view is any time before 7 (edit, now being before 9, but that is probably because I am now at university)! Following this, she always works out usually sporting some overly fancy (and expensive) gym wear, either in “a complex home step up or at a fancy gym.” Then before making herself breakfast, usually featuring about 5 different fruits and nothing much else she will often pose in front of the mirror showing off her perfected ab line. 

What it is Supposed to Achieve 

Ever heard the expression “Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise”. Unfortunately, I have, far too many times, as a younger teenager! But we know that for some reason, most would consider it better to wake up early, then go to bed early, rather than the other way round. Is this healthier? How can any of us be sure? However, waking up early is certainly associated with a more productive lifestyle. Because all these videos clearly promote productivity as well as just health, therefore the earlier one can wake up, the more productive they can be right? Consequently, these videos should be able to motivate others to manage to wake up, shower (presumably), work out, eat, and turn on their bloody laptop for work or whatever before 7am. Yet it is true that some people are naturally night owls, meaning they work better later on in the day/night, rather than first thing in the morning.  Nonetheless, these videos or anything relating to productivity culture, fails to acknowledge this, instead implying that the one and only way to live a productive life, is by waking up at these peculiar times, to suggest that people need to get as much shit done as soon as possible. The wider implication of this may be that people ought to rush to get as much done as soon as possible in their lives, rather than allowing themselves some time to take things more easily. Anyway, back to the quote. So why can a woman not be wealthy and wise like their male counterparts? Because the way I see this, “that girl” can be seen to empower females to aspire to the same high end jobs which men dominate, while hopefully become as accomplished. Even if it means having to use about 7 different skin care products each morning and consuming fewer than 1000 calories a day. We just do not have it easy! 

Toxic Productivity 

The number of hours “that girl” works each day remains a mystery, nonetheless the videos heavily stress the importance of productivity. And whilst we usually get to only see their morning routine, the more influenced viewers are likely to assume that she will continue to be productive throughout the day. Be it working long shifts, spending hours studying hard in the library at university, engaging in extra curriculars; or even more likely, all three! Whilst many of us wish that we could be this productive ourselves, this does reflect the extent to which toxic productivity prevails in our society today. 

Unhealthy? 

Despite the health focused stance which most of the videos take, if we dig a bit deeper, we can see how these videos do not necessarily promote the healthiest choices. One way is by which many of the videos tend to promote under eating, whereby one source estimated that the average “that girl” would consume fewer than 1200 calories a day. Being less than what is recommended for a toddler! Meanwhile, can anyone really regard one leading a life that is so busy that there is no time for them to really focus on themselves, or spend time with others, the healthiest of choices? 

Whitewashing 

I could promise you that if you were to head on to TikTok and type in “that girl”, the vast majority of videos would feature thin white girls. This is likely to be because of several factors, including TikTok’s algorithm and that possibly fewer girls of color are joining in on the trend. This suggests that TikTok still sees thin white girls as the ideal, meanwhile girls of colour often do not feel confident enough to join in on the trend. This way, it also sends a specific message to young women, that you can only join in with this trend and lead a successful life if you are white, thin and are from a wealthy family. This is parallel to the “Girlboss” fad, which encouraged young women to work their bums off to be able to accomplish as much work-related success as their male counterparts. Yet delving deeper, we could see how the option that being a “Girl-Boss” promoted, was only really open to women of an extremely specific, privileged background. 

So, I imagine that there are many females who sometimes wish they were “that girl”, whether they had heard about it or whether they have better things to be doing in their free time than aimlessly scrolling through TikTok! However, while on the surface this kind of lifestyle may seem like the ideal, from underneath we can see how this can usually be unrealistic, very exclusive, and even damaging. Therefore, next time you regret not having your life together, remember that health looks different on everyone, and while you may wish to lead a productive lifestyle, it is also essential to be able to take time for yourself. 

Imagine this. You are in your late teens/early twenties, and for the first time in forever, you have a little bit of time for yourself. You may not know it, but you really do value this time. However, you do not have the energy or motivation to go for a walk, pick up a book or paint. Instead, yes you guessed right, the easiest thing to do is to pick up your phone. You are bored of Snapchat, these days Instagram just makes you feel like shit, and you only use Facebook to keep in contact with your grandparents. Instead, you choose to scroll through the glitzy, glamorous, and still new TikTok. Meanwhile, you wish to improve your life, you long to become more productive, and really you feel it is about time to take steps to improve your mental health. Perhaps as well, you have been through quite a bit of crap in the past, giving you a greater desire to reach a happier and healthier mindset. Lucky for you then, there are plenty of these short “self-improvement” videos in TikTok. In fact, these have become so desired that they have come to be known as “that girl.” You understand that there must be a reason for this because you are aware that you and some of your friends do not really have the healthiest lifestyle or have the healthiest of mindsets, yet all of you want to change this. 

What Being “That Girl” Means? 

This was also what I was wondering when I first came across this term. But the term refers to a young woman who at least seems to life a highly desirable and healthy lifestyle. While, as you can guess, “that girl” is used to motivate people to improve their lifestyles. Usually, it involves someone waking up early, sometimes at a ridiculous time, which in my view is any time before 7 (edit, now being before 9, but that is probably because I am now at university)! Following this, she always works out usually sporting some overly fancy (and expensive) gym wear, either in “a complex home step up or at a fancy gym.” Then before making herself breakfast, usually featuring about 5 different fruits and nothing much else she will often pose in front of the mirror showing off her perfected ab line. 

What it is Supposed to Achieve 

Ever heard the expression “Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise”. Unfortunately, I have, far too many times, as a younger teenager! But we know that for some reason, most would consider it better to wake up early, then go to bed early, rather than the other way round. Is this healthier? How can any of us be sure? However, waking up early is certainly associated with a more productive lifestyle. Because all these videos clearly promote productivity as well as just health, therefore the earlier one can wake up, the more productive they can be right? Consequently, these videos should be able to motivate others to manage to wake up, shower (presumably), work out, eat, and turn on their bloody laptop for work or whatever before 7am. Yet it is true that some people are naturally night owls, meaning they work better later on in the day/night, rather than first thing in the morning.  Nonetheless, these videos or anything relating to productivity culture, fails to acknowledge this, instead implying that the one and only way to live a productive life, is by waking up at these peculiar times, to suggest that people need to get as much shit done as soon as possible. The wider implication of this may be that people ought to rush to get as much done as soon as possible in their lives, rather than allowing themselves some time to take things more easily. Anyway, back to the quote. So why can a woman not be wealthy and wise like their male counterparts? Because the way I see this, “that girl” can be seen to empower females to aspire to the same high end jobs which men dominate, while hopefully become as accomplished. Even if it means having to use about 7 different skin care products each morning and consuming fewer than 1000 calories a day. We just do not have it easy! 

Toxic Productivity 

The number of hours “that girl” works each day remains a mystery, nonetheless the videos heavily stress the importance of productivity. And whilst we usually get to only see their morning routine, the more influenced viewers are likely to assume that she will continue to be productive throughout the day. Be it working long shifts, spending hours studying hard in the library at university, engaging in extra curriculars; or even more likely, all three! Whilst many of us wish that we could be this productive ourselves, this does reflect the extent to which toxic productivity prevails in our society today. 

Unhealthy? 

Despite the health focused stance which most of the videos take, if we dig a bit deeper, we can see how these videos do not necessarily promote the healthiest choices. One way is by which many of the videos tend to promote under eating, whereby one source estimated that the average “that girl” would consume fewer than 1200 calories a day. Being less than what is recommended for a toddler! Meanwhile, can anyone really regard one leading a life that is so busy that there is no time for them to really focus on themselves, or spend time with others, the healthiest of choices? 

Whitewashing 

I could promise you that if you were to head on to TikTok and type in “that girl”, the vast majority of videos would feature thin white girls. This is likely to be because of several factors, including TikTok’s algorithm and that possibly fewer girls of color are joining in on the trend. This suggests that TikTok still sees thin white girls as the ideal, meanwhile girls of colour often do not feel confident enough to join in on the trend. This way, it also sends a specific message to young women, that you can only join in with this trend and lead a successful life if you are white, thin and are from a wealthy family. This is parallel to the “Girlboss” fad, which encouraged young women to work their bums off to be able to accomplish as much work-related success as their male counterparts. Yet delving deeper, we could see how the option that being a “Girl-Boss” promoted, was only really open to women of an extremely specific, privileged background. 

So, I imagine that there are many females who sometimes wish they were “that girl”, whether they had heard about it or whether they have better things to be doing in their free time than aimlessly scrolling through TikTok! However, while on the surface this kind of lifestyle may seem like the ideal, from underneath we can see how this can usually be unrealistic, very exclusive, and even damaging. Therefore, next time you regret not having your life together, remember that health looks different on everyone, and while you may wish to lead a productive lifestyle, it is also essential to be able to take time for yourself. 

f 80% of users between the ages of 16-34. 

Why the ‘That Girl’ TikTok trend is more sinister than it seems  – Fashion Journal

Who Is “That Girl” on TikTok? – Popdust

Who Is ‘That Girl’ And Why Is TikTok Obsessed With Her? (refinery29.com)

let’s chat: Becoming “that girl” TikTok Trend (imerikamarie.com)

Featured

Internet Escapism


2020 was one hell of a year. And all of us have been pushed to our limits. Some have lost jobs, some have had to study at home and most missed out on the things we usually look forward to. In retrospective I would say in particular this has affected the young, and those who were already going through difficult times. Therefore it is only natural that many have sought to find more ways of coping, and considering the circumstances, the internet has been rather appropriate. Of course it is a perfect way to distract ourselves, but is it really healthy, or would it be ignorant to claim that it is “better than nothing”?

What Is Escapism

According to Wikipedia, escapism refers to “mental diversion from unpleasant or boring aspects of daily life, typically through activities involving imagination or entertainment.” This has probably been apparent for hundreds of years, although recently I would imagine it has been on the rise. This can also happen in numerous forms, including gambling, heavy drug use or even persistently reading or watching TV to the point that it strongly gets in the way of what people are going through in other aspects of their life. Often this is related to mental illness, or addiction.

However in recent years there has been a new form of escapism, being on the internet. This is known to be a “very powerful variable that links all psychological problems to addiction induced by internet use.”

How this is a Problem?

I hope you’re all aware of how much of a issue heavy drug or alcohol use is, or substantial gambling. Basically because often it’s extremely addictive, and can ruin people physically and mentally. However other behaviors can manifest into escapism, such as excessive reading or film watching. Obviously only when this interferes with day to day errands. Usually this stems from the person facing severe hardship in their lives as it stands, however escaping to the point that you cannot bear to return is never going to help resolve the problem!

So how does internet escapism come into all of this? Well everywhere. For a start people can use many gambling sites on the internet, which could potentially exasperate the problem. As unlike before where shops would close and people would have no choice but to take a break, now the day doesn’t end. Making it that bit more addictive. However there are other ways people can engross in the online world, in order to get away from real life. Which include in virtual worlds where people can pretend to be someone who they aren’t.

Is This on the Rise?

The lonely and difficult world which many face has probably only been strongly exaggerated by the effects of the pandemic. Therefore many people are likely to have resorted to the internet in a way to get away from it all. This has included spending more time on social media, or within virtual worlds. So you may contest that we have all done so, therefore how is it a problem. Which is certainly true, but it becomes a problem when it gets to the point where it stops one from facing the realities of their lives.

Can This Ever be Good?

Everyone deserves to get help with what they are going through, but come on! This is the real world and nobody is going to get the help which they deserve overnight, or sadly at all… Meanwhile I’m sure most will agree that a distraction can be very helpful at the best of times. Yet I’m sorry, but you cannot “distract yourself” constantly forever, without confronting what you are going through and hopefully getting help. While escapist behaviors can exasperate problems already occurring on one’s life.

Of course escapism is something that has been around, probably forever, and escapism online is just it’s newest form, which is likely to become increasingly apparent. On a small scale, I would say that escapism can be a positive, but not when it gets to the point when someone cannot face their “real” life. It is important to be wary of escapism relating to the internet, because it can look different and the effects of it can potentially be stronger.

Early Pandemic Nostalgia


Think back to early 2020. So far today, you woke up at around 10am, and afterwards you made yourself some green smoothie which you saw in your Instagram suggested. You managed to do the Joe wicks workout, so you then treat yourself to an iced coffee. You then finally settle down and get on with a bit of work. You plan to have yet another chill evening in, you know, go for your one walk a day, watch a bit of tv and oh yes, make some of that banana bread that everyone has been banging on about. Then you suddenly remember that it is a Thursday, meaning it is once again “clap for carers”, so you feel as you may as well get involved. This time feels like so long ago now, almost nostalgic. But why I’m earth do we reminisce over it, and almost think about the time in a somewhat positive light- when really we literally were not able to socialise or do any of the things which we usually enjoyed? 

Early 2020 as a “trend” 

The early days of 2020 have been a subculture on TikTok for a while now. This is something which began as early as October 2020, yet I have certainly noticed the way in which it has continued throughout. For instance, a lot of the songs that were popular at the time have reemerged. However, if you are sensible enough not to have TikTok, you may be feeling a little confused now, because it is not like this excitement is being spread all over other platforms. Although, this makes sense considering that TikTok is popular with young people meaning they would be the people whom the pandemic impacted the largest chunk of their lives, the people who would have had most time to spend on TikTok then anyhow, and the people who use TikTok the most… 

So what is so special about the Pandemic? 

One reason why so many are expressing nostalgia, is because the struggles faced were collective struggles. All of us were impacted by not being able to do the things we usually take for granted, and all of us were concerned with what was going on around us, be it the number of deaths each day, or the question of whether exams would still be on. Nevertheless, as we began to leave lockdown later that year, it most certainly did not mean that everyone could have a big party and forget about the whole thing. Rather, we again had to face the real world, but time of uncertainty. This way, it would be a rather scary period for anyone to be in. Leading on from this, according to the atlantic, the pandemic’s historical significance may have triggered anticipatory nostalgia, which refers to a sense of nostalgia for the present before it has passed. This makes sense considering that the stages of lockdown moved on so fast, and it was such a unique time. Nostalgia also holds a good and strong focus on the community, where according to image journal, when we can see that others share our affinity for the past, and that we locate common values there, we gain a language for our contemporary communities. This can be seen from how there were events that communities shared, like clap for carers, and because all people in communities were going through the same challenges, it is unsurprising that the early pandemic is something which some feel nostalgic for now.

Nonetheless, at least in my experience, the common feeling of nostalgia for the pandemic is not shared around wherever you go, in fact I am not sure if I have even mentioned it this week! Yet, I find that if I end up having a conversation with neighbours or friends back at home, this will generally come up. Most likely because this was an experience shared between us at that time. Another community in itself which will share nostalgia is TikTok. Therefore, of course TikTok takes on nostalgia for the pandemic, especially considering that the people who would have spent the longest amount of time on TikTok during that period would be around the same age, therefore would have had remarkably similar experiences of the pandemic and they would relate most to the trends on TikTok at that time. 

Is Nostalgia good or bad? 

According to vice, nostalgia in itself isn’t something that is positive or negative, but it depends on what you do with it. If activated in a non constructive way, then it can lead to romanticising the past while being blind to the negative aspects of it, meanwhile if used in a constructive way, it can “remind people of a certain moment, while keeping them open to absorbing new experiences.” In relation to the pandemic, this makes sense in that if people only romanticise the good elements and refuse to talk about the downfalls of it, it could potentially lead people to underestimate the negative aspects and the significant amount of damage that it caused. However, if it is taken constructively, then people could consider the negative aspects as well and then consider the way the pandemic proved that there are important changes which need to be made. I know that on TikTok people are only looking at dances, iced coffee, and banana bread. But if this causes people to consider the impacts of the pandemic in their own time, then this seems like a something which is fun but constructive. However, if it leads to people overly romanticising the pandemic, I personally find it concerning as firstly it could upset people who had a negative experience of the pandemic, and it could lead to people almost yearning for a lifestyle like how it was during that time. 

Finally, it is understandable why some may have nostalgia for the pandemic. And while really it is too early to judge, I would say that overall nostalgia relating to the pandemic has not really been positive or negative. For a start, I do not think that younger teenagers waffling on about banana bread and iced coffee is having much of an impact. I mean, I hope that most of them would still want to go outside, and if they do not, this is part to blame. But largely it would be the pandemic itself and the internet. Moreover, while you do hear people chatting away on the news about the pandemic, and while they probably do suggest changes which could be made, nothing positive has happened yet really; at least not in the UK. Nonetheless, you can always hope that something could improve in the future.  

The Overachiever


Back at school there were always at least a couple of people who just seemed to be good at pretty much everything. Their grades would always be top notch, they were always playing in (and probably winning) a wide range of sports competitions and on top of everything else, they also happened to be very artistic. Which led to the rest of us putting ourselves down occasionally, while getting rather jealous, whether we were actually prepared to admit it at the time or not. Once you left school, you would imagine that as they went on to university and eventually into work, they would only go on and continue to achieve greater things. Nonetheless, imagine being at school or university for that matter and not having any down time or any time for enjoyment. It would make life rather boring, and it would be incredibly exhausting! And think, if you achieved so much at such a young age, and everything was perfect, you may then end up being incredibly afraid to get anything below, even if it would still end up working out in your favour…

What is the Overachiever? 

The overachiever refers to someone who is “driven to do and have the most, and the best.” Often the idea of “former gifted kids” is incorporated into the mix, where people who were incredibly smart usually during primary or secondary school, have now found that they have come to a bit of a halt as they enter adulthood. The reasons for this could include burnout, past pressures, or the fact that they find that dealing with the things that adulthood throws at us is a lot harder for them than simply achieving a lot within an academic environment. But surely someone who did well during school should be set up to do well, and hopefully be happy later in life, providing that they received sufficient support from their parents and others around them…

The Positive Side of the Overachiever 

If you spent your school years competing in certain competitions and partaking in various things like the duke of Edinborough award, you tend to learn a lot about yourself, including about your own strengths and weaknesses. Making it easier to know how to answer those odd questions that get thrown around at job interviews, therefore making it more likely that you will get the job. Furthermore, it should mean that people have more idea of what they want to do career wise, meaning that they are set up for a career more tailored to their strengths, thus they should be more likely to succeed as adults. What is more, is that it means there are more things to put on the CV. Therefore, it is easy to see how overachieving at an early age could put one in a good stead to attain success as an adult. 

The Downside of being an Overachiever 

To start with, it may be harder for overachievers to fit in, which may result in bullying. Meaning that although their school experience would be “successful,” they may not feel happy while there. What is more, if they become hyper fixated on achieving as much as possible, this could result in elevated stress, which could increase the risk of them struggling with mental health problems. It could also ironically result in the over achiever having incredibly low self esteem, because of them being more likely to attach their self worth to their achievements, instead of them being able to see their value just as a person. Meanwhile, they are more likely to become excessively upset if they make a small mistake, rather than sweep it under the carpet. Furthermore, the more someone tries to do with their lives, the more likely they are to procrastinate. This is because overachievers are often likely to be perfectionists, and concerning perfectionism, anything that is not the best simply is not good enough. Meaning that it is likely the perfectionist could also be afraid at trying things in case it does not go as well as they wish. This could constraint the liklihood of people who are very capable and talanted of attaining the successes they are capable of later in life.

Why are there so Many Overachievers 

It does not help that we are embedded in a culture which is driven by competition and perfectionism, where success is defined by status, performance, and appearance. This means that young people are more likely to turn to wanting to achieve more, to be viewed in a more positive light. Moreover, these values are transmitted to children nonverbally through adult’s emotional states and through what they notice, are impressed with, and praise or discourage in them. Which is unsurprising considering the culture we are in. Therefore, while parents may be unaware that they are putting their children under a lot of pressure, parents could still nonverbally give off the message that they are happier with their children when they are achieving things like higher grades. Meanwhile, the education system exerts a lot of pressure on young people. 

Overachievers and Privilege 

On top of schoolwork, often overachivers are likely to attend a vast range of extra curriculiar activities. And as you can guess, this is going to cost money. Therefore, in order to achieve loades as a young person, it really helps if your parents are wealthy. Furthermore, if one is from a privileged background, then it is more likely that they will end up at a private or selective school, which again makes it more likely that they will attain higher grades. 

How to make things better for the Overachiever? 

To make things easier for people who are likely to be “overachievers,” to start with it is important that parents can recognise the potential downsides associated with this. This way, they should arrange activities for the child to partake in for the sake of enjoyment, rather than for the sake of attaining as many awards as possible. Moreover, schools should recongise the importance of not putting too much pressure on young people. What I would say really does not help, is the recent changes to the GCSE system making it from A* to E, to 9-1, where it becomes harder to achieve the very top grade. Finally, it is important to consider the culture we are in, which is hyperfocused on productivity, which is partly the cause of pressures that young people face in the first place. 

Overall then, it can be seen why being an over achiever will not always necessarily be a positive thing for young people, because of the consequences associated with it. Nonetheless, it is important to be aware of ways in which the pressure upon young people can be reduced. 

Link to my Podcast on this Post!

Vape Culture


Let us consider all the disgusting habits that people have. There are drugs, heavy drinking, and then there is the obnoxious habit of smoking. Not pleasant for passers-by, and not great for the smoker either. Nevertheless, there is a nice replacement commonly known as vaping. These days, every high street seems to have at least one of those vape shops, and if it doesn’t, then you are bound to find a corner shop which sells the juices anyhow, and if all else fails, then you are guaranteed to find those little disposable bars as an alternative. Therefore, most likely you would resent resorting to smoking cigarettes, because you are too aware of how unhealthy it is. 

“Vape Culture” 

While most people start vaping to quit smoking cigarettes, there is a cool vibe which vape shops have about them. Because while each of the so called vape lounges operate as a shop, they also operate as a “kind of neighborhood bar,” where each new customer receives a familiar greeting and an exchange of pleasantries. Furthermore, there is a sense of unity at vape shops, in that people are connected by how they have or are trying to give up cigarettes, and that they are afraid of new governmental regulations which may come into place, to “destroy their newfound habit and hobby.” This way, those who frequently visit vape shops to purchase their products, do not just feel as if they are going into a shop, but they feel that they are part of a wider community. Therefore, customers are likely to have a positive experience going into vape shops, therefore they are more likely to return. They even have trade shows, fairs and conventions relating to vaping which offer an array of products, parties, and vaping contests. Therefore, it is easy to see how it has evolved into more of a culture or community.  

Of course, influencers and celebrities have also advocated the usage of vaping with Leonardo Dicaprio, Katy Perry and Tom Hardy all being known to vape, according to study breaks.com. American mass-media more frequently publishes photos of actors and other famous people with vaporizers in their hands, just like it did in the past with celebrities smoking. Vaping is also used in modern music videos or commercials where the smoke from the vaporizers is used as steam for special effects. Now while this is far from ideal, it is easy to see why young people would be more likely to get hooked as a result, it is better than being presented with a load of very underweight-looking models smoking cigarettes. Meanwhile it becomes easy to see how there must be something very cool about these dumbass tricks where blowing clouds has become some badass sport, where vapers use the highest power vape mods to produce the biggest clouds. It has even become competitive, where there are even sponsors involved.  

Vaping and Toxic Masculinity? 

According to vice again, many argue that vaping has a “toxic masculinity” problem, mainly because of smokers being more likely to be male, therefore it is likely to be the case that more people trying to give up by smoking are also likely to be male, even though a greater proportion of smokers who turn to vaping in attempt to give up are female. Although what exemplifies this, are the odd behaviors associated with vaping, including vaping into someone’s face. Which just happens to scream America and fragile masculinity at the same time.  

Advantages of Vaping 

For a start, vaping is deemed 95% safer than vaping, which is obviously a substantial amount. And although we are not aware of all the long-term impacts, vaping has been popular for a lot longer than two years, and while the effects of smoking on the body can be documented after two years, “the users of vapor products showed no negative health issues.” Suggesting that vaping is healthier than smoking, at least in the short run. Moreover, in the US, the rise in experimentation with vaping among college students has been accompanied by record declines in cigarette smoking according to study breaks. Therefore, while vaping is by no means ideal, it does present a healthier option to smoking, and it has discouraged many from starting up smoking. Whilst it does not lead to a ton of cigarette buts being dropped on the floor, although saying this, one could easily drop one of the plastic disposables on the floor instead. 

The Downfalls of Vaping 

Short run impacts of vaping can include dehydration and migraines, especially considering that it is easy to overdo vaping when trying it for the first time. Furthermore, whilst they do not contain some of the toxic substances that cigarettes contain, most of them still contain nicotine. And nicotine can harm parts of the brain that control attention and learning, can increase risk of mood and attention problems, can harm the developing brain, and it can be addictive. Also, , some vape shops make their own juice, which could result in one is using something with higher concentrations of nicotine than they think, meaning that they could end up getting more addicted to nicotine rather than succeeding with trying to wean themselves off it. One last thing is that anyone selling vape products is obviously trying to make a profit. Therefore, it is unsurprising that there is such a range of fancy flavors, meaning that more people would be inclined to try it, especially young people. 

Impacts of Vaping on Young People 

With over 7000 flavors available, between 2011 and 2019, the number of high school students using e-cigarettes grew from 1.5% to 27.5%. Furthermore, sales of e-cigarettes with 4% or greater nicotine concentration increased from 12.3% of the market to 74.7%, whilst zero nicotine products made up less than 1% of the market. Suggesting that young people who take up vaping are likely to get hooked on nicotine. What’s more, the impact of vaping is not something that is well known with parents, where studies show that parents receive little communication from schools concerning the impacts of vaping. Being unaware of the detrimental impact of nicotine on teenagers, whilst most did not know that JUUL pods contained nicotine. 

So now we know that vaping is an interesting culture. Plus, whilst vaping has its advantages and disadvantages, it is reasonable to contend that the advantages do outweigh the disadvantages. Because even though it has been proven that young people are likely to get hooked, it is better than being hooked on smoking actual cigarettes. Although, at the same time, it is important to be aware of the cheekiness of vape shops, in that they are trying to make more money by appealing to children. 

Link to the Podcast on this topic!

The Sad Girl


You know what sucks. Feeling upset, hurt or really just sad. Perhaps it has finally been made clear that the guy or girl who you were interested in did not really have the same feelings for you, perhaps you were unable to afford to see your favourite band play or perhaps one of your good friends no longer seems at all interested in being friends with you. But I will tell you what’s worse, and that is battling mental illness or unresolved trauma. Yes, it was horrible, and it felt incredibly isolating. And since there was no one who you could really chat to at the time, there was just one way by which we could make ourselves feel a little better. This being a seemingly horrible looking online community from an outside perspective, but it felt rather nice if you were part of it. One where the state of being sad was almost romanticised.  It felt safe, and you could openly be sad without any of the stigma that was usually attached. In fact, it was almost enjoyable.  

What is the Sad Girl

According to the Capacious Journal, the sad girl is most present on Tumblr and Instagram. A typical example of content circulated by sad girls would be something like an animated text reading something like “having a threesome with anxiety and depression;” quite possibly in glitter writing. Although this may seem a little strange from an outsiders perspective, often expressing it in some way can be very helpful. As it is not always easy for people to speak about it in a serious manner, especially if their family and/or friends are not of the most understanding. Therefore, it is easier for the young person to turn to a community where they are able to talk about their struggles in a humorous manner. While of course discussing something in a jokey way makes it easier to talk about. Although, there may be some who would suggest that it would be more constructive to seek a therapist. Nonetheless, whilst therapy is something that is very important, when one is stuck in a toxic environment which is quite common for young people, it can be very difficult to recover. Whilst therapy takes time, and it is something that many people who may need it, do not necessarily have access to. Therefore, taking to posts portraying general feelings of unhappiness and struggles with mental illness can provide some means of feeling better at the time, and it can also enable people to gain an insight into their problems, meaning that they would be more able to grow from it in the future. 

Problems with the Sad Girl

 Nonetheless, there are some problems with the sad girl portrayal, which need to be discussed. As the article continues, “among the sad girls…sadness and depression become normal,” being something to “strive for” and even becomes cool. Which can result in consequences. For instance, there is the problem of these posts reaching the wrong audience, and by that, I mean very young audiences who do not understand the messages behind these posts, or this portrayal. This could lead to these people perceiving being mentally ill as something that is “cool,” meaning they would be more likely to self diagnose. Therefore, people who are actually struggling would be less likely to be taken seriously. Furthermore, it could potentially lead young women to decide to remain confortable in a state of unhappiness, rather than take steps to begin healing when they are in a position to do so. 

There are many artists who could resemble the sad girl, but today I will focus on Lana Del Rey. Her music most certainly matches up to the sad girl vibe, with glorifying states of melancholia and even abuse. And, I know from experience that a large element of her fan base are young teenage girls. And because of hearing those lyrics at a young age, these experiences become normalised. This could result in young women being less likely to open up about experiences with violence, and therefore reinforcing the patriarchal dominance of the man being above the woman in a relationship, which pushes back the feminist work concerning violence. 

Feminist Implications

Although according to some feminists, the sad girl portrayal is not all negative. As hellogiggles.com states, some feminists may claim that the movement has revolutionized what we perceive as a strong woman, by taking actions and emotions previously seen as weak and turning them into a strength. As I hope you will agree, expressing emotions doesn’t make one weak, in fact it is a sign of strength. Therefore, if women are more emotional than men, then it is a positive trait which needs to be celebrated rather than criticized. This way, it is a way of empowering women. Nonetheless, I would now like to put forth my point of view, in that the sad girl is in many ways rather anti-feminist. This is because it conveys the message that the Sad Girl is someone who yearns for a relationship, for a man, who cannot keep her mental state intact or be strong in life. Yet she gets treated badly by men. This implies that it is ok to remain in a toxic relationship or go for toxic men. If a younger teenager were to be exposed to this, they may see it as something which is completely fine, or even ideal, rather than trying to challenge the motions against being trapped in a unhealthy situation. Therefore, the general message it gives off, is that it is ok for women in dark places to seek unhealthy help through dangerous ways, rather than encouraging them to help themselves, or seek help in other ways such as through friends. Furthermore, it conveys the idea that women who are struggling basically require a man to save them, therefore it is very suggestive of the view that women are weaker than men.  

Conclusion

Another thing about the sad girl aesthetic is that it really is not inclusive at all. As lick.com states, the Internet Sad Girl only caters to the Sad White Girl. Meanwhile, the sadness and struggles of women of color or the sadness of the impoverished were and still are virtually ignored on social media. This makes sense, considering that more privileged people are more likely to have access to mental health resources, therefore they are more likely to be in the position where they are not only able to begin treatment, but in the position where they are made aware of what it is that they are suffering from. Furthermore, it is more likely that they will have more time on their hands to be able to find content which resonates with them online, compared to their less privileged counterparts who are more likely to have to work.  

Please Check out my Podcast on this Post!

Unrealistic Expectations in Relationships and Sex


It is latish at night, and all day, you have felt completely fine, yet you are going to need a distraction to get to sleep. Feeling not right deep down. You turn your usually strong, happy, sarcastic self-off, and you allow yourself to be vulnerable again, so this tall hansom loving guy who clearly cares an awful lot about you is holding you in his arms once again. You are still in tears, so he will rub your back, hold you closer and listen to what you are saying each time while uttering words of reassurance. The following morning, you open your phone. There is either someone who is giving you terribly irritating mixed signals, or there is someone who you liked yet they have not responded to your message in over two weeks now, or if you are one of the “lucky ones,” then there is someone, nonetheless the situation is nowhere near as perfect as you would like it to be. Yes, it is never quite what you expect… 

What is the Root Cause? 

One of the reasons why so many young people are heavily influenced by unrealistic expectations regarding relationships and sex, are that young people do not have access to many sources. According to an article from opus, only a third of teens looked to their mothers for relationship advice, and 17% looked to their fathers. Meanwhile, they are reluctant to look to their peers, in case they come across as inexperienced in contrast. Instead, 94% look to TV, and 90% look to movies to learn about romance. Whilst, social media has become more popular, making it another means for teenagers to get advice concerning relationships. This is especially the case when influencers choose to interact with their followers and subscribers as if they were their friends, meaning that young people are likely to see their worlds as something closer to reality. This could therefore lead to young people choosing to get involved in relationships before they are ready, assuming that everything is good about them, whilst it could halt their progress in understanding the importance of aspects like communication in a relationship. Meaning that young people are more likely to end up in an unhappy or toxic relationship.

Unrealistic Expectations on TV 

If you are a teenager/young adult yourself, then you are probably already aware of the extent to which shows like gossip girl, skins and euphoria are popular with this generation. We will start with gossip girl, where rather than actually watching the show, I have extracted some information about it off opus. Opus states that gossip girl is about romantic relationships between groups of friends. It states that these relationships are advanced, monogamous and experienced, when in reality romantic relationships between teenagers are unlikely to be this way. Because thinking of it, as a teenager, you have only really just stopped being a child, therefore the romantic relationships experienced, if any, are likely to be confusing, messy, cringy and overall, a bit rubbish. Consequently, as a study showed, the more an individual believed in television portrayals of romance, the less likely they were to be committed to their relationships. This is not particularly surprising, considering that these displays are likely to create overly elevated expectations for people, therefore when someone faces problems within their relationship, instead of trying to accept that things are never going to be perfect, they are more likely to turn their backs. This of course is something which can affect adults as well as teenagers, nonetheless, it is true that watching many of these films as a teenager could result in this impact as they become adults.

Unrealistic Expectations on Social Media

If the obsession with romance on TV is not enough for teenagers to try to get their head around, there are plenty of influencers and the like, who are more than happy to share or portray their own romantic relationships to their audiences. This is especially the case considering that there seem to be so many YouTube couples. As well as individuals still featuring a lot of their relationship with their significant other online. And you know the drill with social media, people, especially influencers, tend to only share the positives. This could lead to people having false expectations concerning relationships, meaning that any negative experiences are forgotten. These false depictions could also lead to people who are in relationships focusing more on the image of that, rather than focusing communication and other essential elements that lead to a healthy relationship. This can also lead to feelings of jealousy because people in relationships will be jealous of the unrealistic portrayals of other relationships.  

Unrealistic Expectations of Sex 

On TV, sex is often displayed in a false light, where the experience seems next to perfect. Now, I am unfortunately no sex expert, nevertheless I know that for teenagers, sex is going to be far from perfect. However, I am afraid that teen dramas instead choose to portray teen sex as something which is refined, glamorous and something which people who are not experienced would not be able to achieve. Therefore, when teenagers watch these shows, they expect this is the way which sex should go. This could encourage teenagers to take steps when they are not ready, and even mean that they are less likely to seek out advice concerning sex, leading them to miss out on advice regarding safe sex, thinking that they already know what they need to know. Furthermore, it is never a help that these scenes are portrayed by actors who are a lot older than the actual character who they are playing. However, a good example of a character who is a little more realistic yet has still been very inappropriately sexualised is the character of Kat Hernandez (Barbie Ferreira). Kat was an awkward teenager who was learning to navigate her appearance whilst not having had any sexual experiences. This all began to change swiftly when she began to discover herself sexually by engaging in casual sex with older men and exploring the world of BDSM through online web chats. Kat would wear little to nothing and start dancing for middle-aged men, who became her regular viewers and target demographic. Not only was she making money through this, but she was also thoroughly enjoying it, as she garnered plenty of male attention and admiration. Now while this may be something like what some teenagers may experience, it is by no means something which all teenagers would naturally go for. Therefore, this encourages risky behavior among young people. 

How to Improve this situation? 

From this, I think it would be good if there were more films and TV shows out there that portrayed more realistic cases of young romance and sex. Now while there are so many shows which portray sex unrealistically, one which did send a positive message was sex education! Moreover, schools ought to focus more on teaching children about how to navigate safe sex and healthy relationships. This should not just be constrained to heterosexual people but should be just as much geared toward LGBT+ people. Moreover, we should make the subject of relationships and sex less of a taboo, so that young people feel more confident discussing this among their peers, and hopefully their families, so that they get a more realistic picture on these situations.  

The Bitch is Back Again/kinda Mental Health Update (And I have Started Making Podcasts)


Hello! And here is yet another update post, oh wait, like I have posted on here at all for a long time haha.

To begin with, I just want to talk about where I have been with blogging. For a start, I have started making podcasts on anchor. At the moment, it is still in very early stages, basically the only person who listens is my Dad at the moment, haha. As I am even too scared to tell my close friends, oh wait, actually that is a lie, I have mentioned it to one or two, but I don’t want to exactly be kicking them up their asses trying to force them to listen when they simply don’t want to, or have other things to do. But basically I aim to upload every Wednesday, and so far I have uploaded four, and I will be back with another later on today. Now the reason that I began making podcasts was because I wanted to try something different to blogging, just because I have been doing this over a couple of years now, and while I love it, I admit that it does get a little samey. Also, I am aware that podcasts are becoming increasingly popular, while I want to have a try at improving my speaking as well, because I mean to be a journalist, you do kinda need to be good at speaking providing that you are wanting to do that kind of thing. Oh gosh, why am I sounding so official, it is not like me to sound this way, honestly I don’t take myself seriously enough most of the time haha. But maybe this is a good thing.

However, I have now officially decided that I will also be posting a brief of these podcasts on this blog, as well as a link to the actual podcast of course. The main reason for this is because I want to expand my audience, and quite honestly, I am not too sure on how to gain more views via podcasting, yet I do know how to engage with people on this blog.

So from this, let’s go into what is going on in my own life at the moment. Ok, maybe not everything, but let’s start with the boring stuff. I finished exams last Friday, and I am now just waiting to get my grades back. I am so worried though, as although I feel like I answered the questions and I did enough to pass, I also feel as if I have not done enough to get a “good mark” if you get what I mean. And basically I need to get 64% in my assignments/exams if I get the money next year, because I should have got 60% overall including the exams from last semester, but some idiot managed to fuck up submitting not one exam but two last time. Oops! However, I don’t think that any of you really want me to bore you even more to death, therefore let’s move onto the interesting stuff. Now, rolling on from my previous update post, Portugal was pretty lush. I became close to one girl who I was already friends with, going out pretty much every evening was quite fun, and I managed to fall into a rock and fuck up my lips for a day (while sober, when surfing fyi). Also, I have been going out more since getting back, and since finishing exams. Ok, not like “out out” all the time, but still, whatever. It is kind of nice to be able to lounge around in my room for the best part of the day, not having any commitments (oh shit, I do have two 8 hour shifts this week but that’s nothing really), but at the same time, I do want to start being a little more productive. Finally, to keep things short, I am leaving Swansea in just under two weeks, will be going to North Wales for a week with my Dad, then in July I will be working in Greece for a month.

Now before I say goodbye and wish all of you guys the best, I want to mention a couple of things about how I have been generally. Now I never used to feel comfortable sharing about my personal stuff to anyone really, but basically back around April I was so happy. Like, not superficially happy. But I was content with my life, and I was also content with myself. I will still say that I am happy with the person who I am, and I think I do love myself if you get what I mean, yet deep down I still do get negative thoughts about myself, which tend to flow right out of that deep place, to my mouth, then fucking out if it, whenever I am drunk! Also, I have been slipping into a few bad habits, such as being a little too dependent on alcohol during social situations (but not getting into a “state” at all, just being annoying and oversharing), as well as some other bad habits which I do not really want to mention about. While I have just generally been feeling more anxious than usual, while in the past few days, I have just been feeling less motivated. And it is not like I am unable to talk to people, and it is not like I am unable to get out of bed, eat, do laundry, leave the house and the list goes on. It is strange, because I feel as though I am practically living the life that I want to live, I know that I need to be strong for myself in order to continue becoming the best version, and finally I am aware that people do care about me, even though I feel so alone. Ok, I was lying a little bit about being able to talk to people, I mean I am able to talk to anyone who does not give me strange vibes if you get me, but it is in the flat where I find it hard.

And here comes the space where I will slag off my flat mates.

Fat lie. They are all good people, I am very close with one of them, but basically there are two guys who are basically fine. Yet they have like three of their friends around. The two guys, as well as their friends, are incredibly loud. I mean, sometimes they will shout as if they are at a football match, at like 2 o clock in the morning if sober, or 4am if drunk. Now, to give you more of an idea of what the two guys are like, one stole an unchained bike the other week, because they missed the bus. The next day, they told the girl I’m close with that the bike was dumped in the bush. They may have been lying, but I could tell that she was stressed out, and they do other things to stress her as well, and she has spoken to them about i. But have they stopped to think? No. I think that they did return it eventually but still. But I am glad I am not living with them next year, but it is no wonder why I am anxious at approaching their friends especially when I do say hi and introduce myself, and they look at me as if I was a pile of cotton lettuce. Sorry, I don’t know where these methapores are coming from today.

But back to the main part of the story. Basically I am annoyed at myself because I feel I am living the life that I want to live, and if I could be happy and confident all of the time, then things could literally be next to perfect. But nope, my annoying brain gets in the way. If someone can relate, then please comment.

Anyway, happy first of June, and I hope that June goes well for you guys, and I hope that I manage to sort my shit out. Usually when I go through something like this, I will dye my hair, but I cannot even do that because of work. But anyway, my podcast link is down here, and it is also on my homepage.

Press here to listen to my podcasts!!!

How to Deal With Rejection


It was only yesterday when I walked into the room. The person I liked and the the person who I knew had told him (this was mutual so I’m glad) were both sat next to each other. The guy who I liked looked a little awkward especially when I walked in as you can imagine, then the other guy asked if I wanted to go down to the university cost cutter. Of course I said yes, but it was not good news. He was not looking for a relationship, and he probably appreciated me more as a friend. The news was a little confusing, and there were a lot of lines to read in-between. But at least he was mature about it, therefore the last thing that I wanted to do was be the baby. But, undoubtedly I was pretty upset. I chatted and joked about a bit, but I was a little more quiet than usual, and if anything so was he but he picked up. He certainly seemed a little awks too. I eat quite a bit more chocolate than usual, rather than deciding to make myself a proper meal when I got home. I also overheard him stating that he was not looking for a relationship, and complaining about another girl who was “pestering” him. But at least there was time for me to listen to some sad music when I got home. But I couldn’t cry. So instead I watched this Gilmore girls fan video of Lorelai and Max, with Max giving her all the love in the world, and Lorelai kind of rejecting it. It always makes me jealous as I desire that kind of love, so I eventually managed to get to bed and mope a little.

The following morning I woke up in a rather groggy mood. I was considering whether I should message this guy, but it is probably better not to unless he wants to say something first. I still do keep checking to see if he is active, but I think he is rather busy. This morning, instead of doing uni work, I decided to dedicate some time to this blog, whilst faffing around a bit because I have, and will be, rather busy. So I thought what’s better than venting about something I am feeling upset about. And from writing the personal update this morning, I am feeling quite a bit better. Therefore, here are some tips for dealing with a rejection.

  1. Allow yourself time to be upset

This is probably the most important of all. Because being rejected is pretty upsetting, especially if the person had been living rent free inside your head for a good few weeks. Therefore, the worst thing you can do is surprise these rather nasty emotions, because then they never really leave. They will just stay there and linger for a considerable period of time, meaning that the situation will sit with you for a much longer period time than what you had hoped.

2. Open Up!

Even after letting yourself feel your feelings, this is likely to still be lingering in your mind. Therefore it is important to really allow yourself to open up! The only thing that I would however say, is that it is best to be careful who you tell and what advice that you take. Because hopefully most people are going to be supportive of you and listen, then tell you that there are other people and that you are amazing anyhow. Nonetheless, there may be some who may unintentionally make you feel a little bad, by changing the conversation around to their rather fluffier love life. Worse still, there may be some who try to convince you that this person may still have feelings. Also, when talking to them, try to avoid seeking reassurance about whether they may have had any feelings or not, because at the end of the day, regardless of whether they did or didn’t, the situation is that they were clearly not looking for the same thing as you were. This way, it was not meant to work out.

Another good way to let your feelings out, is by journalling or blogging. This way, you are writing stuff down, and sorting out the sad tangled mess in your head, to let it detangle and remove itself, enabling you to be happy again. Now if you already have a blog, especially one where you talk about personal issues, then by using it to write about your experience, you are not only helping yourself quite a lot, but you are also being rather productive.

  1. Have empathy for the person who rejected you

Please don’t be silly. They are not being mean, and I am sure that they don’t hate you or see you as silly for rejecting you, but perhaps they just did not feel the same way, or they just are not looking for the same thing as you are. Because, providing that you are fairly mature, then if you found out that someone liked you, you would not think ill of them. Just prevent yourself from pestering them. Leading on from this, they may feel a tad of guilt for rejecting you, this way the last thing you want to do for them or yourself is make it worse by trying to hold onto them, when you know for certain that it is not going to go anywhere.

3. Whatever you do, don’t blame yourself

If the person responds particularly negatively and starts to make fun or you or starts criticising you, then honestly it is not on you but it is on them. Because their ego is so inflated to the point where they will beat others down only to make themselves feel better and in their minds, look better. Moreover, as someone who sometimes struggles with a lot of negative thoughts about myself, it is important to remember that there could be many reasons for the rejection. They may well have found you attractive, but they did not feel ready to commit, which is very common, especially among young men. Moreover, even if there were no feelings there, there are other people who will find you attractive.

4. Don’t block them out

Inevitably after the first few days, you might want a bit of space. But if you guys see each other on a regular basis, or if you guys are friends, then you shouldn’t stop yourself from chatting to them. After all, friendships are really important, and would you really want to lose this person as a friend, when you could move on and find someone else? Knowing that both of you enjoyed the conversations that you had.

5. Don’t neglect yourself

The worst thing you want to do when something has let you down is begin to let yourself down. This means not turning toward the person who you were talking to in the past who really wasn’t good for you, avoid being embarrassingly impulsive (alcohol will not cure anything in the long run), and try and live a generally healthy lifestyle.

6. Spend time with people who mean something to you

This can basically mean friends, family or yourself. This is important so that you can focus instead on those you care about, and so that you can be reminded of how important you are to so many people. Plus it means that in your free time, you will be actively doing something, rather than being bored in your home. Consistently switching between snapchat, Facebook and instagram. Honestly, it is not worth it! Meanwhile, as mentioned this can mean just doing something on your own, which can work well if you are more introverted or if all of your friends are busy. Just think of the new book that you have been intending to read for a while, yet you haven’t quite gotten round to it, that new place that you wanted to walk to or a recipe that you wanted to try.

7. Focus on yourself and your life- especially for the near future!

Finally, as clique as this sounds, the most important relationship you will have is one with yourself. Therefore, it is important to look to the future for your own sake. Just think about what could be around the corner for you, providing that you go put yourself out there and go for it. This way, perhaps start working on that project you wanted to work on, find time to do more things for yourself and work on becoming a better person all round.

Monthly Update


Hello, well March has been a kind of interesting month. Well, and these last few days have, well, probably been especially interesting. And just as a word of warning, it is likely that this post is going to be a little bit of a jumble, just because there is quite a bit going on at the moment, and I am a little sad but I am going to try and approach this in the right way.

I mean, for a start, at least I am actually choosing to write about this and think about this in a mature manner, rather than leaning into thinking really negatively about myself, or using unhealthy coping mechanisms. And on this occasion, I am pretty sure that I am going to be fine.

So, I got rejected. Which although this happens to all of us, but in all fairness, it is quite a big deal. Especially from my perspective, where I have only recently allowed myself to not just acknowledge but also embrace my emotions. So basically there was this guy from uni, who I did have quite a big crush on. And it is strange, because there have been people who I have liked before, there have been people who have liked me before, and many people who just want to fuck around and mess with my head. But this one did feel different. Because it was like I was not just attracted to him because of how he looked, it was not just a rather immature, overly hopeful emotional connection, but it also felt like we did have a lot in common. Making matters either better or worse, a friend of ours did heavily imply to my face that this guy was really into me, and that he would tell him how I felt. However, the following day he just told me that he was not looking for a relationship. I suppose that implies that he preferred me more as a friend, and perhaps there would have been feelings but he wasn’t in the place to go for something.

But there we are, it is done and I probably will not see him for around 6 months which sounds mad, but there we go. In a way, this only makes me want to focus more on improving myself, and focus on friends who I have now and hopefully making more. I mean that matters more than relationships in many ways, and it would be pretty sad for two people to be in some close, cuddly relationship if neither of them had much going for themselves, and they did not really have many friends. Plus there will be more people, and as I have already mentioned, we probably will not see each other in 6 months anyhow. The reason for this is because it is at some society at university, but then I do want to join another one which he actually runs. Initially I was thinking that it was because of him, then I thought ew no way do I want to join considering he runs it and he will think ill of me, but I actually do want join because I did before I even began uni yet I had not really plucked up the courage (oh, and it’s the labour society in case any of you are interested). But if it is something I really want to join, and because one of my friends goes there anyway. Plus, he is someone who I would want to be good friends with, other things aside. There are other things as well which I want to do second term, which I had not plucked up the courage to do first term. Which is completely ok, we all grow at different stages and I feel that I have definitely grown and will continue to grow this year. But this will be something for my September or October update, and you never know, there may be some nice guys (or girls) there. But that is not the point, my friend was right. Think of them as side characters who come and go and if they are good and right then they will be really good for you. But that is rare. So in the time being, think of yourself as the main character, and think of friends as part of you and your life. More important than side characters! I do want to stay friends with him though, and it does make me a little sad to think that I am not going to see not just him but some of the others in such a long time. Obviously I hope to meet up with some over the summer term, but then I have opportunities to make new friends and spend more time with ones at home over the summer and the summer holiday. Ok, most of that I made up. She just mentioned them as side characters. Ha, this is probably the reason why I read too deeply into situations, because I am so good with inventing shit in my head for no reason.

Speaking of which, I have finally finished the four horrific essays. Goodness knows how well I have done in them, because I was meant to get a grant because of my A levels, but considering that I fucked up not with writing but submitting the previous exams, it does make this a little harder. But then at the same time, I do only need 64% with these assignments and exams to be accepted. So, maybe it is not as hard after all. Only time will tell.

I am going to have quite a bit more time on my hands as well during the summer term, because I will only have to do two exams, while most people will have to do more than two, because of the fact that I had four assignments to do. That’s as I took four modules because of my course, therefore for two of them it was the ten credit version or something. Never mind. Famous last words, but all will be ok. I might end up choosing to work more hours in that time, because I do need the money. Also I hope to go out a bit more and meet more of my friends. Oh shit, that reminds me that I still need to rebook my driving test, but my other licence STILL hasn’t arrived. I feel that I really ought to chase them up about it, because it really is getting silly. But then, I assume that if you replace your provisional, you still have the same licence number?

So changing the subject (yet again), it is only five days before I go to Portugal. Which, if I am honest, I cannot quite believe. Which also reminds me to try and print off the plane tickets as I am not sure if they accept digital. Don’t look at me, I haven’t been abroad since I was 13 which was a school French trip, and the only time I have been abroad on a plane was when I was 4. Can you really imagine year old me understanding the logistics of getting a plane? Ok, to be fair I went to Belfast at 15, and I am sure the fact that it was not abroad did not mean that we were exempt for presenting plane tickets. But still!

Ok, one last thing I am going to say is that I really need to sort out what I want to do with my life over the summer. Which is going to be a little bit difficult because I don’t have much money, but I am thinking perhaps working abroad. Definitely something that I am going to look into over easter, and update you on next month. I am actually pretty emotional that the first year seems to be coming towards an end, because I have literally just managed to feel a lot more confident and happy within myself, and really beginning to feel settled. But hey, that’s life and I have had some good experiences and I am sure they won’t end here. And believe it or not, when I first began to write this post I was feeling a little sad, but now having written about it (I do also have friends to tell, and I have told a few), I actually feel pretty happy deep down. So I am glad that this happened to me during a time where I am doing pretty well.

So I am now going to leave, and I have decided to write a post about how to deal with rejection, just so that I really am able to deal with this situation in the most positive way, and to help others do the same if they happen to stumble along this post. Then it will be time to do my laundry, then some uni work, then work- with all of the slightly odd men who are probably all in their mid twenties, who seem to desire a shag. Well, it reminds me that I’m hot. Just kidding, but we have to have a laugh don’t we! Which reminds me, this blog really has not been getting much attention recently, and I only really have myself to blame. But like I already said, I am going to have more time on my hands very soon (after Portugal), therefore I really do want to post more. Maybe on TikTok, maybe on instagram. But then TikTok is exciting, and it attracts 14 olds. And I suppose that this blog probably appeals to that kind of literacy level. But best case scenario against best case scenario (ie if this blog picks up again because I actually get off my as, well not literally as I am writing, and the tiktok gets attention), then I think overall I would make a DECENT role model. I mean, like all people I am far from perfect, and I know that there is so much more I could have done this term at uni, during sixth form, and I know that I have a few slightly annoying habits. But don’t we all, and I am working on it, and I think that overall things are sound 🙂

March Update


Hello, so sorry this post is a few days late, it is just that I have been (kind of) busy, and I would reckon that as it stands, my motivation matches that of a dead goldfish! Oh, and I also somewhat forgot… Maybe I just need to take a break, which is kind of hard considering that I have four assignments to complete this month, which require reading something like 10 long atricles/books each. So, I did decide in the end to take a break this afternoon and evening, then I will come to do more uni work tomorrow morning. May even drag myself to the library as I tend to focus so much better there haha. Also I am going home next week, only for that week, and I tend to focus better there for some reason, probably because I had so much time to adapt during lockdown, but who knows?

Anyway, let’s get back on track…

So, again in the past month nothing really big has happened, not going to lie. Although I did manage to quit a minimum wage job (I’m 19 so it’s literally 6.56, so basically nothing), to a job where I get 8 an hour, plus tips, so it’s more like 9. Also the place is nicer, the people are a little less bitchy and the manager (so far), is not a pig. Well, you can never be sure about this but at least he will talk to me rather than avoid eye contact at all costs, although maybe it doesn’t help that he overheard me implying that the staff meeting was a waste of time. All of us can be idiots I guess. Furthermore, as already mentioned, university work has been piling up a little, but it does not exactly help that there have been strikes recently. Because again, it is not exactly easy for me to focus at home, but it is the same for everyone, at least on my course, I suppose.

I definitely feel like I am more settled into university now than I was last term, and even a couple of months ago, and I have made quite a few more friends this term which I am glad about. I also (finally) decided to join debating society, and I thought I’d mention, that there is this guy there who I, well, have a bit of a crush on. Don’t worry, he has no idea of this blog! But I won’t rant on here like I would to a friend, but there will definitely be an update next month. Hopefully something positive, or if not then I can more on, however I would not be surprised if mixed signals will follow into the next few weeks. Although, in all fairness, I am pretty guilty of that myself. It is like I feel so uncomfortable flirting with people, I think it is a thing related to self esteem. But I am getting better with it, and at the end of the day I think he has figured what I think now which is good, so now it is kind of up to him to initiate. Which brings us on to another point, why is it still the social norm for the guy to initiate rather than the girl? I mean, I am aware that it is becoming a lot more common for girls to initiate, but it is still not what is expected. A bit sad really. But I will probably update you next month on this.

Finally, in myself I am feeling quite a bit better compared to last month haha, possibly slowly getting toward the stage where I am almost happy to be myself without craving all of that which I mentioned in the previous paragraph. Well, they do say to put forward the best version of yourself when you like someone, and to be like that, rather than just craving someone else. Anyhow, I am definitely so glad we are going into spring finally, and I am also looking forward to going home and seeing friends, then for the university lectures to be back to normal when I get back. Oh, and also I may be going to Portugal for a few days at the start of the Easter holiday.

So, I hope that all of you are good.

Bye for now!

%d bloggers like this: