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Travel TikTok


Who else spent all last summer working? And who else now barely has any money, and will end up going into overdraft? I remember that on my days off, I would look at travel TikTok. Which I guess makes sense, considering that we had been in a pandemic for the last, well, 1 and a half years. But never mind, because at least there was TikTok to keep us company, and to, well, keep us hopeful about what we may be able to do in the following year. And guess what guys! I have been lucky, as I have only recently returned from Portugal, and it was bloody beautiful! Yet, also expensive. Of course, there is also the time factor. And although it is true that a lot of us would rather spend our young years travelling, as opposed to working our buts off, if it were so easy and doable, surely more people would be doing it.  

What is Travel TikTok? 

Travel TikTok refers to short videos on TikTok featuring various places suggested for people to visit, which are often aesthetically appealing. However, digging a little deeper into travel TikTok, I found that some of the videos contained extremely helpful messages to potential viewers. For a start, the videos had places which would suggest destinations which the viewer “probably hasn’t heard of.” Therefore, if less popular destinations are being featured on TikTok, it should lead to less over tourism. This would reduce overcrowding in small areas, which would have a positive impact on locals, the general environment and even tourists! Plus, it does make sense to travel to less well-known places because it is likely to be far less expensive! Finally, I would like to mention that there are many full-time travelers on TikTok who produce tips, including tips on solo travelling, guidance on how travelling can be done on a budget, and even tips on how to travel the world- as a rather tempting alternative to settling down in life… 

The Advantages of Travel 

So, from what you have heard so far, “travel TikTok” is not only innocent, but it can also be extremely helpful. As National Geographic puts it, TikTok may end up changing the way in which people go about travelling, which is especially true for millennials and Gen z who are more likely to use TikTok than the older generations. But let’s remind ourselves of the advantages of travelling. Also, it enables us to see and experience a range of diverse cultures, which enables us to open our minds and understand people around us. From a more practical point of view, in the interconnected world that we are in today, this could be something of real value in the workplace. Finally, whilst this is just my own opinion, the purpose of us being in the world is to be able to experience things, see and learn new things, and really to have fun.  

Problems with Travel

Nonetheless, it is now important to take a deeper dive into this generation’s obsession with travel and see whether this is something as feasible as it appears. As “web MD” states, being able to travel somewhere is an Exciting Privilege. Exciting because hell yes, if you can travel somewhere, see somewhere new, and if you happen to be between 18 and I do not know late 20s, then get drunk every night without feeling guilty, then it is extremely exciting! Nonetheless, as already mentioned, it is awfully expensive, making frequent travel unfeasible for many. Another point about travel, According to Web MD again, is that people who travel extensively may be using it as a form of escapism, rather than as a way of addressing their former problems. This can potentially be dangerous, because of course when you go to a new place, especially on your own, nothing is familiar, and you are less likely to have close friends or family there who have your back, therefore adapting to new routines alone can leave someone already vulnerable, well even more vulnerable. Meanwhile, it can prevent people from settling down in life. Meanwhile, travel can have a negative impact on local and global environments.  

How we can Overcome this

 However, there are ways in which the environmental impacts can be mitigated. For instance, you can visit out of peak season. Furthermore, flights and accommodation are likely to be far cheaper. Also, there is the option of going to places where less people have heard of, because again these places are likely to be just as nice, potentially even nicer as there’s fewer people trying to visit at the same time, compared to places which suffer significant constraints of over tourism. Some other ways of travelling responsibly can include aiming to spend money on local businesses, such as in small cafes or in local markets, be environmentally conscious when travelling such as using the local public transport when you can and appreciating and taking note of cultural differences. Again, on TikTok I admit that I have seen little on tips concerning how to be more environmentally friendly when travelling, and while it is fair that there are plenty of environmental posts if you have the right for you page, this does not link to travelling.  

Culture Contrast

Another issue concerning tourism is the potential contrast of cultures. Often when travelling to a country with a culture very different to one’s own, it can lead to culture shock, which according to “go overseas,” relates to a feeling of disorientation, annoyance, and/or hostility experienced when you visit a country with norms and traditions different from your own.” Therefore, this is something which does take time to adapt to, nonetheless if large groups of tourists simply choose not to adapt, this can be discomforting for the local population. An effective way to overcome this is to read up on the culture before you visit somewhere whether you are going to volunteer or just to visit the place.  

Overall, travel TikTok has a positive impact, encouraging people to try and explore more of the world, and suggesting cheaper ways of doing this. Nonetheless, it is important to be aware of some of the advantages and disadvantages of travel, while it would be good if travel TikTok could contain more advice concerning how to travel in a sustainable and healthy way. 

Podcast Link!

Sources

  1. https://www.nationalgeographic.com/travel/article/tik-tok-travel 
  1. https://junkee.com/eight-dangerous-things-about-being-obsessed-with-travel-in-your-20s/129762 
  1. https://exploringyourmind.com/wanderlust-syndrome-an-obsession-for-travel/ 
  1. https://www.responsibletravel.com/copy/what-is-overtourism 
  1. https://www.bigworldshortstories.com/disadvantages-of-travelling/ 
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I’m Back!!!


Hello, so after a longer than anticipated break, I have decided to finally return to this blog. Long story short, I have been pretty busy over the past few months, and while this has been the case in the past, I found that keeping up with this blog was getting a bit much for me while I was firstly working full time during the summer, and then when I was settling into university. Another problem I faced was lack of motivation, but I do feel a lot more motivated now than I did a few months ago 🙂 

So, the last few months have been, well, interesting but overall, they have been good. Back in September I moved into Swansea University, and so far, I would say that overall, the experience has been a positive one. I am pleased that I have made some good friends, although I would say I have not really established any close friendships yet, but then that is expected after having only been there for a term. I am enjoying the course, although I was disappointed at the fact that there was only three hours of learning a week in person. This was subject to increase come the next semester, although I am not sure what is going to happen now considering the covid situation. Also, there is so much reading, but at the same time the more I do the easier it gets, and the more interesting it becomes. Oh, and I did not particularly enjoy writing the essay about whether if someone takes out half a brain then puts it into some machine then puts it into a different body, if the dude with half a brain will be the same person as the poor guy who was about to have his brain removed. Oh, did I not explain it very well? Goes to show I still find some of this confusing. Being back at home for a bit, while feeling a little strange, does seem nice because I do feel I need a break from it all. 

So why have I not come back sooner? Well, I would say the main reason is because settling into uni has taken a fair bit of energy, as it would for anyone. Because I have been doing (some) uni work, I have had a part time job and then of course there is the social side, which I am pleased to say I think I have made the most of. But now that I have the Christmas holiday ahead of me, where I am not going to be working over, and that I am more settled into university, I should be able to spend more time on this blog once again. 

Also, if I am honest I have not been that motivated in the last few months, generally and concerning this blog. And I was thinking (well subconsciously) “oh, what is there actually to blog about, which I haven’t either repeated, or which I would be pretty shit at writing about). Yet suddenly, I have become pretty motivated, and I have thought of at least 10 different (proper) post ideas. And I want to start exercising again, start making jewellery again, and do loads of reading for uni. Even though that did not really happen much during “uni” itself! Undiagnosed ADHD or what? Finally, I am thinking of getting a TikTok account relating to this blog, because I often feel old school only producing posts combined of writing rather than producing something like a video or a podcast. As I know these are going to overtake articles and the like. For a bit, I did have an Instagram account for this, but I found it did get a little unhealthy and people were far more concerned for pictures of the sunset or pictures of myself which I had posted, compared to threads about these posts. But there you go… Talking of which, I am pretty sad Swansea do not seem to have a student newspaper anymore (is this something I should be sad about? I actually sound so nerdy now haha). But anyway, I might try the radio or something next term, like even if I am shit, there will be some nice people there, hopefully! 

One more thing, in the next week or so I do aim to update a few things on here, starting with the blog cover photo. Because really, what does a blog relating to social commentary I guess, have in common with a tree? It may be a nice tree, but still. Moreover, the profile picture is over a year old now, and one thing that is worse than current pictures of myself, is old pictures of myself! 

Anyways, enough of my rambling, I do not really feel comfortable being too personal on here. Also, sorry if I have not made total sense, I have rushed this post as it is just an update, but you guys hopefully get the gist. So, with that, I hope you all have a lovely Christmas and what have you, mine is going to be amazing (ok, I know I said I was not going to get personal).  

But anyway, I do hope you have a good Christmas! And if it isn’t going to be that great, then just eat extra amounts of junk food, drink loads of alcohol, then you will be ok! 

Bye for now 🙂 

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Why you don’t have to be “That Girl”


Imagine this. You are in your late teens/early twenties, and for the first time in forever, you have a little bit of time for yourself. You may not know it, but you really do value this time. However, you do not have the energy or motivation to go for a walk, pick up a book or paint. Instead, yes you guessed right, the easiest thing to do is to pick up your phone. You are bored of Snapchat, these days Instagram just makes you feel like shit, and you only use Facebook to keep in contact with your grandparents. Instead, you choose to scroll through the glitzy, glamorous, and still new TikTok. Meanwhile, you wish to improve your life, you long to become more productive, and really you feel it is about time to take steps to improve your mental health. Perhaps as well, you have been through quite a bit of crap in the past, giving you a greater desire to reach a happier and healthier mindset. Lucky for you then, there are plenty of these short “self-improvement” videos in TikTok. In fact, these have become so desired that they have come to be known as “that girl.” You understand that there must be a reason for this because you are aware that you and some of your friends do not really have the healthiest lifestyle or have the healthiest of mindsets, yet all of you want to change this. 

What Being “That Girl” Means? 

This was also what I was wondering when I first came across this term. But the term refers to a young woman who at least seems to life a highly desirable and healthy lifestyle. While, as you can guess, “that girl” is used to motivate people to improve their lifestyles. Usually, it involves someone waking up early, sometimes at a ridiculous time, which in my view is any time before 7 (edit, now being before 9, but that is probably because I am now at university)! Following this, she always works out usually sporting some overly fancy (and expensive) gym wear, either in “a complex home step up or at a fancy gym.” Then before making herself breakfast, usually featuring about 5 different fruits and nothing much else she will often pose in front of the mirror showing off her perfected ab line. 

What it is Supposed to Achieve 

Ever heard the expression “Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise”. Unfortunately, I have, far too many times, as a younger teenager! But we know that for some reason, most would consider it better to wake up early, then go to bed early, rather than the other way round. Is this healthier? How can any of us be sure? However, waking up early is certainly associated with a more productive lifestyle. Because all these videos clearly promote productivity as well as just health, therefore the earlier one can wake up, the more productive they can be right? Consequently, these videos should be able to motivate others to manage to wake up, shower (presumably), work out, eat, and turn on their bloody laptop for work or whatever before 7am. Yet it is true that some people are naturally night owls, meaning they work better later on in the day/night, rather than first thing in the morning.  Nonetheless, these videos or anything relating to productivity culture, fails to acknowledge this, instead implying that the one and only way to live a productive life, is by waking up at these peculiar times, to suggest that people need to get as much shit done as soon as possible. The wider implication of this may be that people ought to rush to get as much done as soon as possible in their lives, rather than allowing themselves some time to take things more easily. Anyway, back to the quote. So why can a woman not be wealthy and wise like their male counterparts? Because the way I see this, “that girl” can be seen to empower females to aspire to the same high end jobs which men dominate, while hopefully become as accomplished. Even if it means having to use about 7 different skin care products each morning and consuming fewer than 1000 calories a day. We just do not have it easy! 

Toxic Productivity 

The number of hours “that girl” works each day remains a mystery, nonetheless the videos heavily stress the importance of productivity. And whilst we usually get to only see their morning routine, the more influenced viewers are likely to assume that she will continue to be productive throughout the day. Be it working long shifts, spending hours studying hard in the library at university, engaging in extra curriculars; or even more likely, all three! Whilst many of us wish that we could be this productive ourselves, this does reflect the extent to which toxic productivity prevails in our society today. 

Unhealthy? 

Despite the health focused stance which most of the videos take, if we dig a bit deeper, we can see how these videos do not necessarily promote the healthiest choices. One way is by which many of the videos tend to promote under eating, whereby one source estimated that the average “that girl” would consume fewer than 1200 calories a day. Being less than what is recommended for a toddler! Meanwhile, can anyone really regard one leading a life that is so busy that there is no time for them to really focus on themselves, or spend time with others, the healthiest of choices? 

Whitewashing 

I could promise you that if you were to head on to TikTok and type in “that girl”, the vast majority of videos would feature thin white girls. This is likely to be because of several factors, including TikTok’s algorithm and that possibly fewer girls of color are joining in on the trend. This suggests that TikTok still sees thin white girls as the ideal, meanwhile girls of colour often do not feel confident enough to join in on the trend. This way, it also sends a specific message to young women, that you can only join in with this trend and lead a successful life if you are white, thin and are from a wealthy family. This is parallel to the “Girlboss” fad, which encouraged young women to work their bums off to be able to accomplish as much work-related success as their male counterparts. Yet delving deeper, we could see how the option that being a “Girl-Boss” promoted, was only really open to women of an extremely specific, privileged background. 

So, I imagine that there are many females who sometimes wish they were “that girl”, whether they had heard about it or whether they have better things to be doing in their free time than aimlessly scrolling through TikTok! However, while on the surface this kind of lifestyle may seem like the ideal, from underneath we can see how this can usually be unrealistic, very exclusive, and even damaging. Therefore, next time you regret not having your life together, remember that health looks different on everyone, and while you may wish to lead a productive lifestyle, it is also essential to be able to take time for yourself. 

Imagine this. You are in your late teens/early twenties, and for the first time in forever, you have a little bit of time for yourself. You may not know it, but you really do value this time. However, you do not have the energy or motivation to go for a walk, pick up a book or paint. Instead, yes you guessed right, the easiest thing to do is to pick up your phone. You are bored of Snapchat, these days Instagram just makes you feel like shit, and you only use Facebook to keep in contact with your grandparents. Instead, you choose to scroll through the glitzy, glamorous, and still new TikTok. Meanwhile, you wish to improve your life, you long to become more productive, and really you feel it is about time to take steps to improve your mental health. Perhaps as well, you have been through quite a bit of crap in the past, giving you a greater desire to reach a happier and healthier mindset. Lucky for you then, there are plenty of these short “self-improvement” videos in TikTok. In fact, these have become so desired that they have come to be known as “that girl.” You understand that there must be a reason for this because you are aware that you and some of your friends do not really have the healthiest lifestyle or have the healthiest of mindsets, yet all of you want to change this. 

What Being “That Girl” Means? 

This was also what I was wondering when I first came across this term. But the term refers to a young woman who at least seems to life a highly desirable and healthy lifestyle. While, as you can guess, “that girl” is used to motivate people to improve their lifestyles. Usually, it involves someone waking up early, sometimes at a ridiculous time, which in my view is any time before 7 (edit, now being before 9, but that is probably because I am now at university)! Following this, she always works out usually sporting some overly fancy (and expensive) gym wear, either in “a complex home step up or at a fancy gym.” Then before making herself breakfast, usually featuring about 5 different fruits and nothing much else she will often pose in front of the mirror showing off her perfected ab line. 

What it is Supposed to Achieve 

Ever heard the expression “Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise”. Unfortunately, I have, far too many times, as a younger teenager! But we know that for some reason, most would consider it better to wake up early, then go to bed early, rather than the other way round. Is this healthier? How can any of us be sure? However, waking up early is certainly associated with a more productive lifestyle. Because all these videos clearly promote productivity as well as just health, therefore the earlier one can wake up, the more productive they can be right? Consequently, these videos should be able to motivate others to manage to wake up, shower (presumably), work out, eat, and turn on their bloody laptop for work or whatever before 7am. Yet it is true that some people are naturally night owls, meaning they work better later on in the day/night, rather than first thing in the morning.  Nonetheless, these videos or anything relating to productivity culture, fails to acknowledge this, instead implying that the one and only way to live a productive life, is by waking up at these peculiar times, to suggest that people need to get as much shit done as soon as possible. The wider implication of this may be that people ought to rush to get as much done as soon as possible in their lives, rather than allowing themselves some time to take things more easily. Anyway, back to the quote. So why can a woman not be wealthy and wise like their male counterparts? Because the way I see this, “that girl” can be seen to empower females to aspire to the same high end jobs which men dominate, while hopefully become as accomplished. Even if it means having to use about 7 different skin care products each morning and consuming fewer than 1000 calories a day. We just do not have it easy! 

Toxic Productivity 

The number of hours “that girl” works each day remains a mystery, nonetheless the videos heavily stress the importance of productivity. And whilst we usually get to only see their morning routine, the more influenced viewers are likely to assume that she will continue to be productive throughout the day. Be it working long shifts, spending hours studying hard in the library at university, engaging in extra curriculars; or even more likely, all three! Whilst many of us wish that we could be this productive ourselves, this does reflect the extent to which toxic productivity prevails in our society today. 

Unhealthy? 

Despite the health focused stance which most of the videos take, if we dig a bit deeper, we can see how these videos do not necessarily promote the healthiest choices. One way is by which many of the videos tend to promote under eating, whereby one source estimated that the average “that girl” would consume fewer than 1200 calories a day. Being less than what is recommended for a toddler! Meanwhile, can anyone really regard one leading a life that is so busy that there is no time for them to really focus on themselves, or spend time with others, the healthiest of choices? 

Whitewashing 

I could promise you that if you were to head on to TikTok and type in “that girl”, the vast majority of videos would feature thin white girls. This is likely to be because of several factors, including TikTok’s algorithm and that possibly fewer girls of color are joining in on the trend. This suggests that TikTok still sees thin white girls as the ideal, meanwhile girls of colour often do not feel confident enough to join in on the trend. This way, it also sends a specific message to young women, that you can only join in with this trend and lead a successful life if you are white, thin and are from a wealthy family. This is parallel to the “Girlboss” fad, which encouraged young women to work their bums off to be able to accomplish as much work-related success as their male counterparts. Yet delving deeper, we could see how the option that being a “Girl-Boss” promoted, was only really open to women of an extremely specific, privileged background. 

So, I imagine that there are many females who sometimes wish they were “that girl”, whether they had heard about it or whether they have better things to be doing in their free time than aimlessly scrolling through TikTok! However, while on the surface this kind of lifestyle may seem like the ideal, from underneath we can see how this can usually be unrealistic, very exclusive, and even damaging. Therefore, next time you regret not having your life together, remember that health looks different on everyone, and while you may wish to lead a productive lifestyle, it is also essential to be able to take time for yourself. 

f 80% of users between the ages of 16-34. 

Why the ‘That Girl’ TikTok trend is more sinister than it seems  – Fashion Journal

Who Is “That Girl” on TikTok? – Popdust

Who Is ‘That Girl’ And Why Is TikTok Obsessed With Her? (refinery29.com)

let’s chat: Becoming “that girl” TikTok Trend (imerikamarie.com)

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Internet Escapism


2020 was one hell of a year. And all of us have been pushed to our limits. Some have lost jobs, some have had to study at home and most missed out on the things we usually look forward to. In retrospective I would say in particular this has affected the young, and those who were already going through difficult times. Therefore it is only natural that many have sought to find more ways of coping, and considering the circumstances, the internet has been rather appropriate. Of course it is a perfect way to distract ourselves, but is it really healthy, or would it be ignorant to claim that it is “better than nothing”?

What Is Escapism

According to Wikipedia, escapism refers to “mental diversion from unpleasant or boring aspects of daily life, typically through activities involving imagination or entertainment.” This has probably been apparent for hundreds of years, although recently I would imagine it has been on the rise. This can also happen in numerous forms, including gambling, heavy drug use or even persistently reading or watching TV to the point that it strongly gets in the way of what people are going through in other aspects of their life. Often this is related to mental illness, or addiction.

However in recent years there has been a new form of escapism, being on the internet. This is known to be a “very powerful variable that links all psychological problems to addiction induced by internet use.”

How this is a Problem?

I hope you’re all aware of how much of a issue heavy drug or alcohol use is, or substantial gambling. Basically because often it’s extremely addictive, and can ruin people physically and mentally. However other behaviors can manifest into escapism, such as excessive reading or film watching. Obviously only when this interferes with day to day errands. Usually this stems from the person facing severe hardship in their lives as it stands, however escaping to the point that you cannot bear to return is never going to help resolve the problem!

So how does internet escapism come into all of this? Well everywhere. For a start people can use many gambling sites on the internet, which could potentially exasperate the problem. As unlike before where shops would close and people would have no choice but to take a break, now the day doesn’t end. Making it that bit more addictive. However there are other ways people can engross in the online world, in order to get away from real life. Which include in virtual worlds where people can pretend to be someone who they aren’t.

Is This on the Rise?

The lonely and difficult world which many face has probably only been strongly exaggerated by the effects of the pandemic. Therefore many people are likely to have resorted to the internet in a way to get away from it all. This has included spending more time on social media, or within virtual worlds. So you may contest that we have all done so, therefore how is it a problem. Which is certainly true, but it becomes a problem when it gets to the point where it stops one from facing the realities of their lives.

Can This Ever be Good?

Everyone deserves to get help with what they are going through, but come on! This is the real world and nobody is going to get the help which they deserve overnight, or sadly at all… Meanwhile I’m sure most will agree that a distraction can be very helpful at the best of times. Yet I’m sorry, but you cannot “distract yourself” constantly forever, without confronting what you are going through and hopefully getting help. While escapist behaviors can exasperate problems already occurring on one’s life.

Of course escapism is something that has been around, probably forever, and escapism online is just it’s newest form, which is likely to become increasingly apparent. On a small scale, I would say that escapism can be a positive, but not when it gets to the point when someone cannot face their “real” life. It is important to be wary of escapism relating to the internet, because it can look different and the effects of it can potentially be stronger.

A Deep(fish) Dive into 2014 Tumblr: How it was different, how it could be helpful and harmful to young people and why it might be coming back… 


Think back to a time, maybe not too long ago, when you were still a teenager. You had just gotten back home from school, and you may well have been listening to a playlist including bands and artists like Lana Del Rey, The Neighbourhood and the Artic Monkeys.The first thing that you do when you get in is change into your ripped jeans and jumper, and if you are lucky then you may have had a choker to go with the outfit. Soon after, you go online. Maybe on Tumblr, however if Tumblr came just before your time, then you would have probably been looking at very similar content on Instagram or something. You are happy that you are going to be spending the next few hours scrolling through pictures of landscapes that you wish you could visit, albums that you wish that you owned and groups of friends with cool outfits and cool hairstyles. Nonetheless, you might have also accidentally stumbled across some rather unhealthy posts as well. But looking back, you may well have this weird sense of nostalgia for this era, considering that back then, the biggest thing that you had to worry about was probably your art project. Unless of course, you had to go through a lot of crap as a teenager. 

Any of us who remember this period well are going to be ‘adults’ by now, and goodness me, haven’t times changed! At the moment, I can’t even comment on whether these have changed for the better or the worse. I guess as an adult, things are not QUITE as helpless. I mean at least we get some choice over what we want to do about our toxic families eg. However, I am sure that a lot of us would also like to go back to a time where we barely had to worry about money, uni grades, not the mention the thought of soon being at an age where we are either completely independent or are at least contemplating the thought of being ‘adult adults’. And whilst we should be proud of how far we have come since being younger teenagers, our younger selves were kidding us when they thought that as soon as we turn 18, any kind of ‘baggage’ from our childhood would immediately go away. But hey! At least there is no one to tell us off for dying our hair purple or for staying up beyond midnight (alright, there may be consequences relating to uni and work, but at least then we get something in return). Yeah, it is definitely nostalgic. But it still seems a bit weird. So what was Tumblr, why might its ‘aesthetic’ be coming back into fashion, and how helpful or harmful was it? 

What Was Tumblr? 

Tumblr was originally set up as a blogging platform, where users could post and repost ‘small messages in the form of text, photos, quotes, links, audio and video’. Between around 2011 and 2018 it was highly influential within internet and pop culture. For instance, aesthetics were very popular on Tumblr, with many aesthetic styles being populated by users of Tumblr. These different styles or aesthetics included pastel goth, grunge and hipster, just to name a few. The 1990s was the era that mostly influenced the aesthetic of Tumblr, with a lot of fashion on Tumblr resembling 90s fashion. For instance, the 90s can be credited for the reemergence of pieces including leather, ripped denim and don’t forget the chokers! Nowadays, whilst Tumblr is still popular with ‘certain fandoms’, ‘pop cultures’ and ‘alternative subcultures’, it is fair to say that TikTok has replaced Tumblr. Nonetheless, if you have TikTok and you happen to be reading this WordPress post, then I’m sure that you would agree that WordPress and TikTok could not be much more different from one another. Therefore, what was so distinctive about Tumblr which enabled it to differ so much from blogging platforms, as well as, I would say, other popular social media sites? 

How it differed 

For a start, Tumblr was a site that featured a lot of ‘alternative’ fashion. This may have been enabled by how Tumblr had quite a visual element to it. And whilst I was a bit young to be an avid Tumblr user, I do admit that I did create a site once (and no, I’m not telling you what it was called), and one of things that I got a lot of pleasure out of was attempting to create aesthetically appealing pictures, and make my website look pretty (shut up, I was 13-14). I also really enjoyed looking at other aesthetically appealing pictures on there. However, I think that the visual element of Tumblr was what enabled the aesthetic element to thrive. Sticking to fashion for now, often photos on Tumblr would feature (usually) girls sporting popular alternative fashion styles, including let’s say skinny ripped jeans, doc martins and of course, dyed hair. Often, these photos would often be taken in an ‘edgy’ location, such as a park in the middle of the night, or in the middle of an alleyway full of graffiti. In addition, ‘Tumblr girls’ would often be pictured engaging in activities such as smoking or drinking, as an addition to their more ‘edgy’ lifestyle. An example of a ‘Tumblr girl’ would be Effy Stoneman, a main character, if not the main character, of popular TV series, Skins. Effy would be shown featuring items like black leather jackets, black boots and short skirts/dresses paired with fishnets (and of course she looked amazing, ugh). However, she would also very often engage in risky behaviors, including smoking, heavy drinking and drugs. And as time went on, it became increasingly prominent that she struggled with severe mental health issues. And as adults, we can easily see how she was engaging in these behaviors as a way of coping with her severe mental illnesses, nonetheless many teenagers probably somewhat romanticised her lifestyle.  

Now, speaking of fictional characters, Tumblr was also a place where fandoms would often gather. The concept of a fandom has been defined and described in many ways, however an older definition would be ‘the culture of taking mass produced media and selecting certain individual bodies of it, such as people, movies and television shows and reworking them into outcomes of the provoke an extreme pleasure response’. Whilst a more recent definition would be ‘the process of taking mass media and transforming it into an outcome which greatly excites the creator.’ Tumblr differed in this respect compared to say, Facebook, because unlike on Facebook where users would be part of a group, anyone on Tumblr could be involved with a fandom. Therefore, it is not too surprising that some users who did not join Tumblr with the purpose of being a part of a fandom ended up engaging with them. Another distinctive characteristic of Tumblr fandoms was how social justice was prominent within these communities, where the concept was often used to discuss topics including ‘abortion, suicide, feminism and sexism.’ Finally, research shows that often users on Tumblr felt that they were able to be truer to themselves on there compared to in real life. 

How it helped people 

Any adult who used to use Tumblr a lot or was even just familiar with the type of content that was popular on Tumblr might understandably be quick to begin discussing the many ways in which Tumblr was harmful. And in all fairness, as will be demonstrated soon, there were many ways in which Tumblr was harmful, in fact, this post has even somewhat touched upon it. Nonetheless, it was a pleasant surprise when I found that Tumblr might have been particularly positive, at least for some users and communities. For instance, it created a safe space for marginalised communities to share art, experiences and connect. For instance, Tumblr had a positive impact on trans communities because it enabled them to connect with one another, when often trans people are incredibly marginalised within public spaces.  

How it harmed people 

I imagine that many past users of Tumblr have their own experiences concerning ways in which it may have been damaging, however I am going to focus on one thing that I believe that was particularly notorious with Tumblr, being ‘thinspo’. Now, most of us are probably aware that a lot of people face pressure to lose weight because of social media use. And I believe that this is the case just as much now as it was back then. Whether you are looking on TikTok at different aesthetics today, you will probably notice many women (or girls) on there who are probably not at a healthy weight. Or if you go onto Instagram, I imagine that a good proportion of women who are wearing gym wear, advocating a ‘healthy lifestyle’ are going to have a particular look. Probably being very toned, having an hourglass figure but overall, they are probably also rather thin. However, to take this further, research shows that there is unfortunately a positive correlation between social media use and eating disorder symptoms, which is probably not surprising. Yet, one form of social media which I would say that particularly stuck out in this realm would be Tumblr, which contained a lot of pro-eating disorder content. Pro eating disorder content ‘advocates both anorexic and bulimic behaviors as a valid means of losing weight’. Before Tumblr was popular, much of pro eating disorder content would be featured on a website that would have been built for this, which were typically ‘run by a female administrator who provides information to consumers on how to successfully engage in highly restrictive eating’, whilst they commonly contain ‘thinspiration’ which I would define as content that idolises and glorifies very skinny bodies. However, once Tumblr was popular, Tumblr was a safe haven for this kind of content, and it has been suggested that the anonymous nature of Tumblr was something that enabled this. This may have also enabled a lot of talk about hardships that Tumblr users were experiencing. Often, these posts would be humorous, however often these would depict very serious topics including ‘loneliness, self-loathing, self-harm and suicide.’ 

Why it might be coming back 

There are probably two main reasons why Tumblr is something that is becoming popular again. To start with, ‘The 1975, Arctic Monkeys, and 5 Seconds of Summer’ have recently ‘announced new projects and/or tours.’ However, a deeper reason would be that young people are becoming disillusioned with hustle culture, and perhaps are nostalgic for a time that was simpler. This makes sense, considering that Tumblr was something that would have had a considerable impact on the experiences of young people when growing up.  

What I feel we should have learned 

2014 Tumblr is of course now quite well known for its glamorisation of unhealthy behaviors; however it also shaped the nature of social media today. I would agree with this, because having TikTok, I am bombarded with different aesthetics, and I used to come across a lot of posts that would at least express negative feelings, or even self-destructive behaviors. And, in all fairness, a lot of these videos did go one step further and would somewhat glorify this, whether this was the user’s intention or not. Saying this, I have not noticed many posts that explicitly promote eating disorders, for instance. But maybe that is simply because I have not been seeking them out. However, I have also noticed that on Instagram, there are a lot of healthier posts as well, which still concern the same topic. This way, I think that it is important that anyone who posts content, whether they are posting mainly for themselves, or whether they have a significant following, should keep in mind the dangerous impacts of posting such content. And instead, if they want to express their feelings, they should post stuff that is simply expressive of that, rather than of content that actually glorifies this kind of behavior. 

Cutting off Life Long Friends


Everybody loses friends sometimes, and it is never a nice thought. But especially when we are young, we are changing so much, and we are meeting so many new people that it is only natural. However, there is something special about remaining friends with those who we have been close with since childhood. This is because there is that deeper bond there, as you have basically grown up together, and you could say that those friends have almost become like family. As a young adult, you probably cherish all of the memories that you have together, both as children and as teenagers. Now, it is always lovely to catch up after a long time even though of course, you guys would have changed so much. Of course children, teenagers and adults are all very different from one another, but with life long friends, this can often only strengthen the friendship, and as adults, you will probably only laugh about those silly little quarrals, not to mention the gossip that occurred in the past. Because now, of course, you are both grown! But what happens if your lifelong friend doesn’t really ‘grow’, or if as an adult, you come to find that you do not like the adult that they have turned into?

Why I am writing this post

It has been over a year now since I cut her off. However, we have recently gotten back in touch, because she communicated something of importance to me that I needed to pass on, which did not concern our friendship. That situation felt strange, because whilst there was no doubt that I was going to communicate, it did bring back a flood of memories. There was of course part of me that wanted to try and rebuild the friendship, and if I’m honest, she seemed eager to do the same. Yet, I knew that it was probably not a good idea…

What Happened 

For a long time, I could see that she possessed certain patterns and behaviours that I did not think were desirable. Nevertheless, I wanted to see the good in her, therefore I continued to maintain the friendship. And instead of blaming her for her behaviour, I would blame other people and always stick up for her, even if it looked like something was her fault. One of the main issues relating to this, is that looking back, I think that she was a lier. And I know that everyone lies, but the extent to which she lied was something else again. Whilst, she would not only lie about silly things, but I think that she also lied about really deep topics. Now, you might be reading this and wondering why I think that she was a compulsive lier. Well, I have two reasons to back it up. For a start, there were also things that she genuinely went through, and there are the things that I am less sure of. And funnily enough, she would speak about the things that she actually went through rather emotionally, and going into rather a lot of depth. With the rest of the stuff, the story would change slightly each time it was told, it seemed less deep, and she certainly didn’t seem as emotional about it. I also remember being with her when she would message straight up lies to others, and she would even admit that these were lies!

Another thing was gossip. And with this, I am just as much to blame as she is. We would both gossip, and be rather mean about some people. And I always found that after spending time with her, I would be a lot more gossipy and judgemental about others than when I wasn’t spending much time with her. I realised that my behaviour was actually pretty nasty, which was another reason why in the end, I decided that I did not want to be close with her.

“Cutting people off”

I think that it is generally wrong to cut people off without an explanation. This is because I do genuinely think that people can often change, especially when they are young, if they are told by those who are close to them how their behaviour is impacting others. Moreover, it can cause the person who has been cut off to feel really confused, hurt and even worried about the other person. I know that I cut her off without an explanation. This was early because I felt that she would be unlikely to listen, based on what I had been told by other people. I also wanted to save myself some emotional stress concerning how she would respond to the explanation. Also, I thought that at the time, there was less point in doing so considering that we were now living in different areas. Now, I do think that I should have explained to her why I cut her off, because whilst it was best for me not to ‘remain friends’, you never know the causes of someone’s behaviour, even if it is not for you to ‘fix’ (at the time, I really didn’t understand because it always appeared that she had had a reasonable childhood, and supportive family, but then you never know what goes on behind the scenes, and of course, childhood is not the only cause of behaviours like her’s).

A friend of mine also cut me off, a few years ago now, however she did give me an explanation before doing so. I still felt terrible, because the reason was because I was associating myself with toxic people who were, dare I say, ‘fake friends’ of hers. I also think that I was in the wrong, because I should have listened to her concerns more, although they were only implied lightly until that point. In all fairness, I was just about to turn eighteen, so I think that because I’m more mature now, and because she explained why she was about to cut me off, I don’t think that I would repeat this. However, I was still upset, I missed her and I was very worried about her. 

What I regret

I regret the fact that I did not set more boundaries when I was younger. This is because if I had done so, I wouldn’t have ended up in the situation that I was in. It would have also enabled me to focus on developing and maintaining healthier friendships at that age. Also, as already said, I regret the fact that I did not cut her off when I was younger.

What I am glad about

Whilst I do have regrets, as sad as this sounds, I am glad that we are no longer close friends. If we were living in the same area, or if we had more to do with each other, at a later time, I may want to consider having some relationship with her, however I would have to be very aware of boundaries. However, because we mostly have little to do with each other, I do not think that there is much point in trying. This is because, whilst she might change as she gets older, you can never be certain. Meanwhile, in recent years, I have made and maintained friendships with some amazing people!

Lucky Girl Syndrome


If you are still addicted to TikTok, or even if you decided to delete TikTok only to end up wasting too much time scrolling through Instagram reels instead, then I imagine that you would have at least once stumbled across the term ‘Lucky girl syndrome.’ You may have also heard people taking about manifestation, and depending on your personality, you may have dismissed it as a load of rubbish, or on the other hand, you might now be embracing this as part of your lifestyle. Yes, the two concepts certainly link together. Therefore, should we simply dismiss the ‘Lucky girl syndrome’ as a load of crap, should we instead use it as an important tool that helps us, or is it a concept that is somewhat helpful providing that we remain vigilant. 

What is ‘Lucky Girl syndrome?‘

The ‘Lucky girl syndrome’ refers to a technique where people tell themselves that they are lucky, which leads to good things happening to them. If you accidentally stumbled across this on TikTok a couple of months ago, you would have probably noticed a lot of videos featuring conventionally attractive young women, stating that they adopted the ‘Lucky girl syndrome’, and now so many good things have happened to them. These good things might have included things like their crush texting them back or them getting a new job. The person might even have a bigger story to tell. For instance, they might have found themselves bankrupt a year ago, but ever since they adopted the ‘Lucky girl syndrome’ good things simply kept on happening to them. Consequently, a year later they are on a 100 grand salary, they live in a mansion, and they drive some sort of fancy car. In contrast, when I search the term now, a lot of the videos provide guidance on how to adopt the ‘Lucky girl syndrome’, often focusing on the importance of adopting positive affirmations to ‘raise your vibrations.’ The ‘Lucky girl syndrome’ became popular at the start of this year and encourages people to focus on adopting ‘positive affirmations’, which basically enable people to adopt a more positive mindset, and therefore reduce negative thinking. Anyway, here is a popular TikTok on the ‘Lucky girl syndrome’.

The Law of assumption

The Law of assumption asserts that if you believe that your dreams and desires for the future are already yours, then these will come true. The method behind the law of assumption is to imagine what you would think and feel if you were attaining your dreams, whilst also releasing your current, negative thoughts and feelings, which are holding you back. This relates to manifestation. 

Positive Affirmations

A lot of you might be familiar with the concept of affirmations. However, in case you are uncertain, most generally they relate to telling yourself good things, often about yourself, to reduce negative thinking. These can be used for a broad range of purposes, however, often they are used by people to build higher self-esteem. There are a range of ways that people can practice positive affirmations, for instance, some might choose to simply repeat the same affirmations to themselves each day, and others might choose to write these down in a journal. There is also evidence to suggest that practicing positive affirmations can work. Click here if you would like to learn more about this. [Link to learn more about this](https://positivepsychology.com/daily-affirmations/)

How this all links?

Just a reminder, to get a case of the ‘Lucky girl syndrome’, you would need to keep telling yourself that you are lucky, to enable good things to happen to you. This way, it clearly links to the law of assumption. This of course involves practicing some affirmations; however, I would say that these affirmations are generally slightly different to the ones that are there merely to improve your self-esteem. However, the ‘Lucky girl syndrome’ often also incorporates the practice of positive self-talk, as well as merely the art of telling yourself that good things are going to happen to you. In fact, the two often go together.

Does any of this work?

Whilst it is easy to come across something like this and instantly dismiss it as a load of bulls*it, firstly I would like to talk about ways in which it could be helpful. So according to research, if we keep telling ourselves that we are ‘lucky’, our brains start to focus on information that confirms this belief. This links to confirmation bias, where if we were to begin focusing on the number of red cars, for instance, it is likely that we would end up noticing more red cars.  This can be helpful if someone is nervous about starting a new job, because if someone was to tell themselves that they are going to do well, they are likely to attain greater success in eradicating negative beliefs which could be holding them back. It is also stated that it is good for people to surround themselves with positive people, to encourage the person to adopt their positive thoughts and beliefs. Overall, this kind of practice can be especially good for people who struggle with negative self-talk, simply because it trains the brain to focus on more positive thoughts about themselves instead. And there is research in cognitive therapy to back this up. Finally, if someone believes that they are lucky, they may be more likely to take risks that benefit them in the future.

Important Criticisms

Despite the ways in which the ‘Lucky girl syndrome’ might be beneficial, as you can guess, there are a lot of ways in which it has been criticised. An important criticism is that it can spread the belief that those who are having negative experiences in life are to blame because they are not thinking positively enough. And whilst there is evidence to suggest that adopting a more positive mindset can lead to positive changes, there are of course many events and circumstances which are either very difficult, or even impossible to control. This could shift the focus away from tackling injustices, and instead put a stronger emphasise on the individual. This can be extremely dangerous, because it could mean that more people will be focusing on the importance of positive thinking, therefore if someone was in a worse economic situation than themselves, they could simply believe that they are ‘not putting the work in’. Never mind the fact that we are experiencing high inflation, a housing crisis and that employers can treat their workers like trash. Moreover, this could also make it more likely for the individual in poorer circumstances to blame themselves. Furthermore, if someone experiencing a mental illness tried to adopt the ‘Lucky girl syndrome’, they might only end up feeling worse about themselves. Another issue with ‘Lucky girl syndrome’ is that it could lead people to choose to take too many risks, including financial risks. This could of course lead people to ending up in a worse situation than they were in before, which could lead to a lot of self-blame. Finally, if something didn’t turn out as expected, it could lead people feeling guilty, thinking that their bad luck was because of themselves, rather than wider circumstances that were beyond their control.

My take on this

As I was writing this post, one question that popped into my mind was to what extent are your circumstances because of your own efforts, and to what extent are they beyond your control. Of course, this is impossible to answer, but it does depend on the person and their circumstances. But I must admit that videos of young, hot women driving Ferraris, all claiming that they are rich because they adopted the ‘Lucky girl syndrome’ are not only rather far-fetched but could actually be quite dangerous. This is because however hard most people work; they are not going to end up driving a Ferrari or living in a mansion. Instead, unfortunately there are many people who are having to work multiple jobs simply to make ends meet. And that is because of broader political and economic circumstances which are beyond any individual’s control. Therefore, I think that it is essential that people understand that there are many things that are simply beyond their control. This said, I do think that there might be some aspects of one’s life that someone can control, especially if they believe in themselves and that they work toward attaining the goal. For instance, I think that if someone believed that they could get a good degree, and they put the work in would be more likely to end up with a good degree compared to someone who was convinced that they are unable to do well, and subsequently they put less work in. 

Moreover, I believe that the idea of positive affirmations which relate to positive self-talk are very healthy. This is because they enable people to improve their self-esteem. However, there is a big difference between consistently telling yourself that you are good enough, and in telling yourself that you will become a millionaire by next year. This way, I basically believe that positive affirmations outside the realm of ‘lucky girl syndrome’ are intrinsically healthy, however the ones relating to lucky girl syndrome, not so much. Therefore, perhaps it is important for people to focus on improving their self-esteem and doing as well as they can whilst accepting that there are some things that are beyond their control. 

Alternatives and Final Thoughts

In my view, the implications of the WOOP strategy are a lot more realistic compared to the ones associated with ‘Lucky girl syndrome’, even though the WOOP strategy sounds even more eccentric! This is because it is a strategy that consists of proposing a ‘wish, outcome, obstacle and a plan’. Consequently, this encourages people to adopt a more optimistic outlook, meanwhile it encourages people to consider the difficulties in what they wish, and to find ways around this. The WOOP strategy also allows people to adjust their goals, or even let them go. However, because the person would have tried, they would be less likely to feel bad about themselves knowing that they have done everything that they can do. I believe that the WOOP strategy makes achieving goals more realistic for people, both because it encourages people to work to achieve them, whilst it encourages people to think of obstacles to get around them. This way, it should mean that people would be less likely to set unrealistic goals for themselves, to make them end up feeling worse about themselves. And whilst not all dreams are going to be realistic, according to the book ‘Rethinking Positive thinking’ which proposed the WOOP strategy, it is important for people to really consider their daydreams because it can signal what someone really needs. My gut instinct agrees that it is important for people to consider their dreams and think about what they can do to achieve something like them. However, I think it is equally important for people to really think about their dreams. Sadly, again a lot can be unrealistic. Moreover, I think that a lot of people (me included) might think that it would be nice to live in a mansion, but then thinking about it more deeply, realise that they do not want this. 

Sources

https://theconversation.com/lucky-girl-syndrome-the-potential-dark-side-of-tiktoks-extreme-positive-thinking-trend-198439

https://www.bustle.com/life/what-is-the-law-of-assumption-manifestation-method-technique

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-law-of-attraction-exp_b_8430270

Lucky Girl Syndrome Isn’t the Antidote To Bad Luck, but It Can Help Challenge Negative Thinking

https://happiful.com/what-is-lucky-girl-syndrome

https://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/a42552258/lucky-girl-syndrome-tiktok/

https://www.vox.com/the-goods/21524975/manifesting-does-it-really-work-meme

https://www.sciencefocus.com/news/lucky-girl-syndrome-a-psychologist-explains-how-tiktoks-extreme-positive-thinking-trend-could-backfire/#

https://english.elpais.com/society/2023-03-05/lucky-girl-syndrome-the-latest-example-of-toxic-positivity-on-tiktok.html

How to Deal With/Live With an Overbearing Parent


Hi! So this is the first proper personal post that I have written on here in a long time. I decided to write this post because I am staying with a parent over the summer holiday, who you could call overbearing. It is likely that I am going to be spending more time with them now than I have in a very long time, because they have begun working from home, meanwhile I am not even staying in my hometown. Wish me luck, haha. When I refer to an ‘overbearing parent’, I am mainly referring to behaviours that are lacking in boundaries, with perhaps a fair amount of manipulation involved. 

I also want to make it clear that I am writing from the perspective of a 20-year-old. Therefore, I certainly don’t know everything. Rather, I am basing this post off my experiences with what works and what doesn’t work, advise that other people have given to me, as well as a little bit of stuff that I have read about (mainly online). 

I have also decided to structure this post slightly differently. Basically, I am going to begin with statements that an overbearing parent might say to you, then I will follow it up by a tempting response, finally followed by a better way to respond. I am also more than aware that simply not responding (and basically giving in) to these statements/behaviours can seem like the easy option, or at least the option that will avoid the most conflict. However, I feel that it is important to be able to stand your ground when hearing statements like these, otherwise it is only likely that things will start to get worse… Also, in case anyone is interested, some of these statements are actually similar to things that have been said to me, whilst others are statements that I feel that parents with similar traits would be likely to say.

“Hey, guess what! I have already booked my hotel to come and pick you up next week, because the weather is going to be nice!”

“I have literally just finished exams, and I know that the weather is nice. Which is why I wanted to have some time to actually have a life for once. And I know that the weather is nice, which is why I wanted to make the most of it. Good God, why do you have to ruin everything. I was already dreading spending summer with you, but I at least thought that I could have a tiny bit of time for myself first!”

That was something that basically happened, and it seriously annoyed me! The thing was, was that I was not expecting it to happen, like at all. This is because it was not something that had ever happened before. However, I should have given a date for when I wanted to go back, and I should have simply explained that I was busy, in Swansea, before that date.

“I am sorry that I put you out”.

“Well, you did more than put me out, you stupid asshole. You literally stopped me from doing X, Y and Z, and you have demolished all my boundaries. I actually cannot bear to look at you right now, you ugly, lying, manipulative pile of shite. You know what, next year, I am not going to come ‘home’, if you can call it that, even once. Not even for Christmas!. Now, fuck off!!!!!”

This relates to the previous incident… And honestly, there is nothing worse than nicely confronting someone, only to receive an ‘apology’ that is far from sincere. And I don’t know about you, but when someone ‘apologises’ in that manner, it only makes me ten times more angry about what they are ‘apologizing’ for. Like honestly, you cannot win. I feel that the best way to respond is to either reinforce how you feel, and even if they do not listen (which they probably won’t), at least you have gotten it somewhat off your chest. Alternatively, you could simply ignore them after that. I mean what kind of response can they expect?

“I feel that you take a very negative attitude towards me.”

“I HATE YOU!!! And I have every reason in the world to do so as well. You are not only making my life a misery right now, but you also did this 2 years ago, this 5 years ago and this ten years ago! And it is not just about me. You were rude to X, Y and Z, your life is a mess, and you dress like a zombie. It is no wonder that I feel the way that I do”.

When someone says something like this, it can be tempting to only reinforce this. I mean, at the end of the day, it might well reflect the way that you feel. However, I feel that going off on one, in that manner, is only going to make things worse. Especially when you know that you are going to have to spend X number of hours in the car with them, or X number of months under the same roof. Instead, it might feel safer to simply ignore them. Alternatively, if you do want to get some stuff off your chest involving how you feel about that parent, then it might be an idea, but only if it feels safe to do so. But perhaps not when you are already about to have an argument. 

“I do not want you doing a masters abroad, you will be lonely, you won’t know the language, and there will be creepy crawlies.”

“Oh, for God’s sake. I cannot believe that you would even suggest that I am incapable of learning a language! And I bet that you are just jealous. Because you never had the balls to study/work abroad yourself. But that does not mean that you should be sticking your ugly nose into my life. And I easily make friends wherever I go, unlike some people. Plus, if there are creepy crawlies, I might take them back home with me if I choose to visit for Christmas, as I’m sure that they would provide better company than you do!”

I feel that it can be quite common for overbearing parents to try and stop you from doing the bigger things that you really want to do. And often it might well be that the reason why is for their sake, rather than yours. However, sometimes it might be important to acknowledge their concern, and explain/show them that you are able to do what it is that you would like to do. It is also important to explain to them why you would like to do whatever it is. Although saying that, you might find that they are only half listening, or that they do not understand. But at least then, you will be showing to them that this is something that you would really like to do. My other advice would be to tell others about your hopes/plans, because if you know that your parent will try to put you off doing something that you know you would really like to do, then you need as much motivation as possible to keep you on track.

“I’m upset/ill/going through a lot…. I just wish that you would appreciate me more.”

First things first, YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR PARENT’S MISFORTUNES! However, I am aware that this is a hard one, which is why I have left the angsty thing blank. Just don’t let that prevent you from getting on with your life. Going off my gut feelings here, I think that it is important to acknowledge your parent’s feelings with regards to what they are going through, but leave yourself out of it. Then, explain to them that you care, because despite everything, you probably do. However, it really is not your job to take care of them, and you can only say and do so much. Concerning these situations, it is also important to talk to others about what’s occurring. Just because from experience, this is incredibly stressful and emotionally draining, and as much as I know that it is not my responsibility to baby my parent, bring right in front of them makes things particularly hard. 

Actual advice.

The following part of this post will give some more general pointers concerning how you deal with an overbearing parent more generally

  1. Spend as much time away as possible

This especially goes for when you are staying with them, because that, my friend, is draining as hell! But even if they are very insistent on you spending time with them, resist that urge as much as you can. In my experience, one very easy way of getting away would be by getting a job. That is one thing that my parent cannot argue with, although I understand that different parents are different. However, getting a job is also good because it enables you to establish your independence. Another easy way to get away would be by visiting friends, whether they live locally or whether they are further away. Other options, volunteer somewhere, join some group or even start going to the gym. I’ve been quite lucky with this, however if things are harder, simply explain to them that this is what you are going to do and explain to them how this will benefit you. I mean, you probably shouldn’t have to explain, but it does make it harder for the parent to try and ‘fight back.’ 

  1. Assert and Establish your independence

You know this already, and I expect that they know this already, but show to them that you can manage and function well without your parent. Get a job (again), clean up after yourself and cook dinner. Yes, it might be a pain, but then at least then it makes it harder for your parent to claim that you are irresponsible and still require supervision…

  1. Have a way to release your feelings eg

I find talking to people who I can trust about this kind of stuff extremely helpful. There are of course lots of other mechanisms that can help. These can include, but are not limited to writing down your feelings, exercise, and art. Nonetheless, I also understand that at times when you feel your worst, even the thought of writing your feelings down or creating a pretty picture can be draining. This way, sometimes it can be good to try and keep on top of it as much as you can, by practicing ‘healthy coping mechanisms’ before things get out of hand. Again, I know and understand that it can take a lot of time to be able to recognise when things might be starting to get bad. For me, I know that since getting back, I have been struggling with binge eating a little, and I had previously quit vaping for well over a month, but a couple of days ago, I went and brought myself another vape. Perhaps there will be posts about this at another point…

  1. Tell them CASUALLY what you are going to do, and when

I have been tempted to tell my parent when we are in a huff with each other, that I plan to do this then, and that then and so on. The opposite is also the case, when I have considered asking if it is okay with them if I go to a certain place. Instead, neither work because it shifts the focus on themselves, rather than on you. When actually, your life is yours. Let them know un-defensively and without hesitation! Saying that, there have been times when I have been inclined to tell a little fib. Occasionally (providing it is not about something serious), I feel it is probably ok, but try not to get carried away. For a start, you are kind of lowering yourself to their level. They MIGHT find out (you never know). Plus, you don’t really want to have to think up little stories every day…

  1. Try and have some things to focus on

Basically, try and keep busy because this can seriously help. I will mention getting a job once again, nonetheless, I also know that I am lucky to be living in a large area, and even then, my hours keep on getting cut (which is seriously annoying, because retail therapy is a great coping mechanism for me). There are however other ways of getting money, such as online, even though it is probably going to be hard to begin with. But if you are good at something like painting, graphic design or if you are half okay at writing, now is the time to give it a go! There is nothing to lose, and you might even earn a little money! And even if you don’t, you will probably end up feeling productive. I do however want to stress that you should try not to put pressure on yourself, and that for some of us, having stuff to do whilst going through something difficult can only make us feel more overwhelmed. I think it depends on the person, but whoever you are, allow some time for self-care as well.  I guess that personally, I would feel like crap if I woke up after lunchtime each day, and if I wasn’t really doing much. 

  1. Have stuff to look forward to

This is especially important, otherwise the days/weeks/months are going to drag. Instead, it is going to feel quite a bit easier if you know that you will be meeting a friend/friends in a few days, or if you are going away for a few days in a couple of weeks. Even though you might still be spending most of your time with then, it still breaks that long amount of time up. Plus, you are going to feel a lot better having been doing other things.

  1. Do stuff that you enjoy

I know that I mentioned that it is important to ‘have stuff to focus on’, but it is equally important that you spend some time, preferably some time each day, doing stuff for yourself. This can be as simple as meeting friends or watching something on Netflix. However, for how long have you been telling yourself that you are going to try painting, or that you are finally going to pick up that musical instrument that you haven’t played in years? Whatever it is, it is important to devote some time to doing things that you enjoy.

Can we Really Split People into Different Colours?


Can you Really Split People into Different Colours?

Hello, so this is a post where I am going to be taking a deeper dive into a topic, with the focus being my take on the book “surrounded by idiots”, written by Thomas Erikson. 

‘What the hell Love?’

Judging from the title, you might be thinking that I have been reading about something that is a little bit like astrology, but a lot more abstract. Well, don’t you worry. The book that I read was more focused on psychology (I guess), and it had a particular focus on workplace settings. Wow, personalities, and capitalism combined! Who would have known?

Who are the Idiots?

Basically everybody. Well, everybody who is not the same, or the same colour, as you are. Erikson splits the ‘idiots’ into four groups, being reds, yellows, greens, and blues. However, he also stresses that most people are a combination of two or even three of the colours, whereas only 5% of the population are predominantly one colour. 

What are these ‘Idiots’ like then?

Because Erikson focuses on what these people are like, both in their work lives as well as their personal lives, I will give a brief summary as to what these people are like in both realms. 

Reds at work

They are going to be the ones who get the job done most efficiently. Yet they’re also likely to be hot headed. They might bypass some of the details because they want to get everything done as fast as possible, and they may well snap at their less efficient co-workers. In other words, you could say that they are a pain in the ass to work with. 

Reds in their personal life

Their ambition to win does not end at work. They basically want to win everything. Even if it is just a silly game of egg and spoon. I would certainly not want to date one… 

I am sure that their short temper does not end at work either. However, they do not intend to really upset people, they just do not want people getting in their way.

Yellows at work

They will probably think of so many great ideas, only to waffle on about them, and not put anything into practice. They are very chatty, and they are bound to be far more interested in your weekend than in getting on with anything that they need to get on with. The only thing that they will be more interested in, other than your weekend, would be their weekend. Yet, you must give it to them that they are very good at public speaking and they are very creative.

Yellows in their personal life

They like to have a lot of fun, are very outgoing, and they love to be the life of the party. They are sometimes, however, pretty crap listeners. Although they do not like to admit that. Saying that, if they know that they have upset someone, they will feel really bad. They do care about people, even if they can care a little bit more about themselves. Oh, and they tend to go with their gut.

Greens at work

They want to get away with doing as little as possible, because they like their peace and they do not like change. They also HATE conflict. They will not confront their red co-workers/bosses, but they will probably slag them off behind their backs. 

Greens in their personal life

Again, they like to have peace and quiet, and they are rather resistant to change. Moreover, they care A LOT about others, and so they are very loyal, and they are likely to have a relatively small group of close friends. They are also great listeners. Only issue, if they are upset with someone (or upset about something), they are likely to bottle it up, rather than say anything. However, this is very unhealthy for them in the long run.

Blues at work

They like to know all of the details and like to work through things as precisely as possible. This means that they are very unlikely to make mistakes, but it also means that they are rather likely to take a very long time. They will also be the group who are least likely to take an interest in your weekend.

Blues in their personal life

Again, they like detail and they can be quite reserved. They are also the people who will look through the instruction manual ten times before even beginning a basic product. I sometimes wish that I could relate, but then I would be someone who may not even read the instructions in the first place.

What colour am I?

I guess that I can be a little bit self-absorbed, so of course I had to take the quiz myself and find out what I am.

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In all fairness, having read the book, I think that these results are quite accurate. I think that I am mainly a green when it comes to my personal life, because I certainly dislike conflict, and I USUALLY stick to my close friends. I also like my own peace and quiet, and I am more than happy to go for a walk by myself, or stay in and either watch some crap or read a good book. Although, I think there is a little bit of yellow, in that I sometimes love to strike up a conversation with someone new, but only if I am in the right mood. Although recently, I have been less afraid to express my opinion, even if I know that it might impact what others think about me (life is too short to care), however I am always careful to do this in a way that is not going to offend or upset others. I am certainly yellow in that I tend to be quite creative, and I don’t care too much about fitting in (again, life is too short). I feel that the hint of red is interesting, because whilst I am relatively driven, this does not show up in how I interact with others. Honestly, I think I was about 13 when I last shouted at someone.

Anyway, here is the link to the quiz itself if you would like to take it!

https://www.123test.com/disc-personality-test/

What I thought was Helpful.

The main thing that I took from this book, is that people are very different from one another, therefore it is important to bear this in mind when communicating with others. For instance, I used to find the idea of snapping at people incredibly rude and unnecessary. I mean, however annoyed you might be feeling in the moment, it doesn’t cost a penny to communicate something in a way that will leave someone feeling a little less flustered. However, it is also rude and unnecessary (and counterintuitive), to not say anything when annoyed at someone, and to instead, bottle it up and slag the person off behind their back. This way, whilst both colours (reds and greens), have something that they need to learn, maybe both means of communication are natural to them, therefore, none of us should take that so personally.

I also think that the book is good in that it encourages the reader to take a deeper look into themselves. And whilst that is something that we should all be doing anyway; I think it points out the things that different personalities should be working on.

The limits of the book

To begin with, even the author clearly stated that the majority of people have more than one colour. Therefore, in practice, it is unlikely that you would associate yourself, or someone else, with only one colour. This of course makes things more complicated. Also, I think that a lot of ways that people act is down to other factors, including their environment and their past. This could mean that someone who has been criticised as a child might display more green tendencies, to avoid conflict. Or someone who was under a lot of pressure to achieve lots as a child may display more red tendencies. I know that with myself, I can appear more reserved than what I am, only because I am worried about what others might think of me, rather than because I am uninterested in talking to more people.

Final thoughts

I think that overall, he does present a very good tool to help people to understand themselves, as well as other people. However, it is important to bear in mind that this is just a tool, rather than something that should/can be used to understand everything about someone. Finally, if any of you have any thoughts on this, I would be very interested to hear!

I’m Back!!


Hello! Okay, I cannot lie, it has been a long time. But believe it or not, I had not forgotten about this blog. So instead, I am back!

Where have I been?

Um, uni work? Other uni stuff? Working? Actually having a life? Experiencing multiple personal crises? Okay, to be fair, I have been kinda busy/busyish. So let’s go about this in chronological order. In my first year at uni, I was rather busy. I was working part time (sigh), doing coursework and trying to have a life… Then, last summer I was also working, but I also did try setting up a podcast. The main reason for going to podcasts, was because I thought that podcasts were more popular than blogs, and I also wanted to try doing something new. Yet, I will be honest. Making decent podcasts is a lot of work, and it is quite hard to establish an audience. Which is understandable, considering that it takes a long time to listen to a podcast.

Moving on to this year at uni. Being in second year meant that I had a lot more coursework to do, which I also had to take more seriously. Thankfully, I didn’t have a job, but I did have other stuff. Including an internship that I was doing, society stuff and personal stuff. I know that this is a bit of a clique, but the year went very quickly, and I’m sad that it’s over.

Why I chose to take the longest break from blogging?

One of the reasons is pretty obvious. I had been busy. The other reason was because I was feeling quite burned out generally, and I felt that taking a break from blogging would be better than taking a break from something else. However, now I feel quite motivated to take this up again, so fingers crossed… I know that some bloggers stress the importance of posting ever few days, for instance, but if I’m brutally honest, I know that it would not be something that I would be able to keep up. Instead, I might aim to post weekly or so, but I will probably write a load of posts this summer, then schedule them. We will see…

Why I chose to come back?

If I wish to be harsh on myself, the main reason is that other plans for the summer had basically slipped through. One thing that I was wanting to do over the summer was an internship, but unfortunately I found that summer internships are either very expensive, or very difficult to get. Word of advise though, if you’re at uni, some unis offer really good internships which are far easier to get, and in my case, are also paid 🙂 My other sort of plan was to do Camp America, and again that slipped through. Honestly, why do I sometimes end up chickening out of these things? 

But, let’s ‘look on the bright side’. Because the other reason why I chose to go back to blogging, is genuinely because it has always been something that I have enjoyed. I mean, I do miss rambling on about random topics that I, at least, find interesting. I also miss the blogging community (where, massive shock alert, people are actually nice to one another online). Also, I am still considering pursuing a career in journalism. 

What I am going to do with this blog

For a start, I feel as though if I were to read any of my old posts, I would immediately cringe. So hopefully, now that I am a bit older, I might have a slightly more mature perspective on some issues.

But let’s get on to what I actually want to change. To begin with, I would like to make my content a little more interactive. Now you might be thinking, WTF- this is a blog, not a computer game! But basically, I would like to include more pictures GIFs even and possibly short quizzes. I know that it sounds a bit odd. But then I did also ask google whether blogging is still relevant. Obviously, the author of the article that I clicked on said yes. Most likely because they were a blogger themselves. But they also suggested to make the content more interactive, because nowadays our attention spams are worse than ever before. Thanks, TikTok!

Now let’s go into the kind of posts that I want to write on this blog. To start with, I would like to write more personal posts. And, no, I am not talking about posts where I talk about my day, as I am sure that no one is interested that I had over 6 iced coffees, went to work, then walked along the beach. No, if you’re someone who does take an interest in these small details, then find someone else’s blog to read, because my day to day life is honestly pretty boring at the moment. Anyways, whilst I may continue to post personal updates every so often, I mainly want to write personal posts about deeper stuff. About things like, I don’t know, why I quit vaping/smoking, why I learned to love myself, how to overcome (inserts a problem). I want to stress that I am obviously not an expert in any of this stuff, and I know that it is SUPER IMPORTANT to be very careful when engaging with self help culture online. But my main purpose of writing stuff like this, is to maybe help others. Either by feeling less alone, or just by being able to have access to a little more advise. Also, I think that writing stuff like this might help me a bit. I mean, it has in the past…

But my main point is not to worry too much, because I am not exactly going to start including content that echos stuff like this! Although I like to think that people can learn to adapt a more positive mindset (I’d actually like to read more on that tbh), this following image is what we call toxic positivity. I actually wrote a post about it ages ago…

Anyways, I also want to carry on doing deep dives into topics. I know that this is something really similar to what I used to do. But I want to have a little more background knowledge on these topics before I begin writing these posts. For instance, I have planned a few posts that are going to be based off a book that I have read. 

How I am going to ‘Rebrand’ myself

Oh gosh, that makes it sound a lot more exciting than it really is. But basically, I’m going to spend most of tomorrow creating a new instagram and creating a new logo, probably whilst watching Netflix and eating too much junk food. Finally, I also plan to create a fiver account, and offer to write for other people, brands eg. I mean, I don’t know if I will get anywhere, but it is worth a try.

Anyway, that is everything for now. I look forward to being able to share more posts with you, and reading some of yours (as it’s been ages). Oh, and one more thing, if you know are reading this and you know of bloggers who might post similar content to myself, or bloggers who just post interesting content, please let me know. It has been a while since I have really spent much time on WordPress, and I am sure that there are many great newer bloggers out there!

Early Pandemic Nostalgia


Think back to early 2020. So far today, you woke up at around 10am, and afterwards you made yourself some green smoothie which you saw in your Instagram suggested. You managed to do the Joe wicks workout, so you then treat yourself to an iced coffee. You then finally settle down and get on with a bit of work. You plan to have yet another chill evening in, you know, go for your one walk a day, watch a bit of tv and oh yes, make some of that banana bread that everyone has been banging on about. Then you suddenly remember that it is a Thursday, meaning it is once again “clap for carers”, so you feel as you may as well get involved. This time feels like so long ago now, almost nostalgic. But why I’m earth do we reminisce over it, and almost think about the time in a somewhat positive light- when really we literally were not able to socialise or do any of the things which we usually enjoyed? 

Early 2020 as a “trend” 

The early days of 2020 have been a subculture on TikTok for a while now. This is something which began as early as October 2020, yet I have certainly noticed the way in which it has continued throughout. For instance, a lot of the songs that were popular at the time have reemerged. However, if you are sensible enough not to have TikTok, you may be feeling a little confused now, because it is not like this excitement is being spread all over other platforms. Although, this makes sense considering that TikTok is popular with young people meaning they would be the people whom the pandemic impacted the largest chunk of their lives, the people who would have had most time to spend on TikTok then anyhow, and the people who use TikTok the most… 

So what is so special about the Pandemic? 

One reason why so many are expressing nostalgia, is because the struggles faced were collective struggles. All of us were impacted by not being able to do the things we usually take for granted, and all of us were concerned with what was going on around us, be it the number of deaths each day, or the question of whether exams would still be on. Nevertheless, as we began to leave lockdown later that year, it most certainly did not mean that everyone could have a big party and forget about the whole thing. Rather, we again had to face the real world, but time of uncertainty. This way, it would be a rather scary period for anyone to be in. Leading on from this, according to the atlantic, the pandemic’s historical significance may have triggered anticipatory nostalgia, which refers to a sense of nostalgia for the present before it has passed. This makes sense considering that the stages of lockdown moved on so fast, and it was such a unique time. Nostalgia also holds a good and strong focus on the community, where according to image journal, when we can see that others share our affinity for the past, and that we locate common values there, we gain a language for our contemporary communities. This can be seen from how there were events that communities shared, like clap for carers, and because all people in communities were going through the same challenges, it is unsurprising that the early pandemic is something which some feel nostalgic for now.

Nonetheless, at least in my experience, the common feeling of nostalgia for the pandemic is not shared around wherever you go, in fact I am not sure if I have even mentioned it this week! Yet, I find that if I end up having a conversation with neighbours or friends back at home, this will generally come up. Most likely because this was an experience shared between us at that time. Another community in itself which will share nostalgia is TikTok. Therefore, of course TikTok takes on nostalgia for the pandemic, especially considering that the people who would have spent the longest amount of time on TikTok during that period would be around the same age, therefore would have had remarkably similar experiences of the pandemic and they would relate most to the trends on TikTok at that time. 

Is Nostalgia good or bad? 

According to vice, nostalgia in itself isn’t something that is positive or negative, but it depends on what you do with it. If activated in a non constructive way, then it can lead to romanticising the past while being blind to the negative aspects of it, meanwhile if used in a constructive way, it can “remind people of a certain moment, while keeping them open to absorbing new experiences.” In relation to the pandemic, this makes sense in that if people only romanticise the good elements and refuse to talk about the downfalls of it, it could potentially lead people to underestimate the negative aspects and the significant amount of damage that it caused. However, if it is taken constructively, then people could consider the negative aspects as well and then consider the way the pandemic proved that there are important changes which need to be made. I know that on TikTok people are only looking at dances, iced coffee, and banana bread. But if this causes people to consider the impacts of the pandemic in their own time, then this seems like a something which is fun but constructive. However, if it leads to people overly romanticising the pandemic, I personally find it concerning as firstly it could upset people who had a negative experience of the pandemic, and it could lead to people almost yearning for a lifestyle like how it was during that time. 

Finally, it is understandable why some may have nostalgia for the pandemic. And while really it is too early to judge, I would say that overall nostalgia relating to the pandemic has not really been positive or negative. For a start, I do not think that younger teenagers waffling on about banana bread and iced coffee is having much of an impact. I mean, I hope that most of them would still want to go outside, and if they do not, this is part to blame. But largely it would be the pandemic itself and the internet. Moreover, while you do hear people chatting away on the news about the pandemic, and while they probably do suggest changes which could be made, nothing positive has happened yet really; at least not in the UK. Nonetheless, you can always hope that something could improve in the future.  

The Overachiever


Back at school there were always at least a couple of people who just seemed to be good at pretty much everything. Their grades would always be top notch, they were always playing in (and probably winning) a wide range of sports competitions and on top of everything else, they also happened to be very artistic. Which led to the rest of us putting ourselves down occasionally, while getting rather jealous, whether we were actually prepared to admit it at the time or not. Once you left school, you would imagine that as they went on to university and eventually into work, they would only go on and continue to achieve greater things. Nonetheless, imagine being at school or university for that matter and not having any down time or any time for enjoyment. It would make life rather boring, and it would be incredibly exhausting! And think, if you achieved so much at such a young age, and everything was perfect, you may then end up being incredibly afraid to get anything below, even if it would still end up working out in your favour…

What is the Overachiever? 

The overachiever refers to someone who is “driven to do and have the most, and the best.” Often the idea of “former gifted kids” is incorporated into the mix, where people who were incredibly smart usually during primary or secondary school, have now found that they have come to a bit of a halt as they enter adulthood. The reasons for this could include burnout, past pressures, or the fact that they find that dealing with the things that adulthood throws at us is a lot harder for them than simply achieving a lot within an academic environment. But surely someone who did well during school should be set up to do well, and hopefully be happy later in life, providing that they received sufficient support from their parents and others around them…

The Positive Side of the Overachiever 

If you spent your school years competing in certain competitions and partaking in various things like the duke of Edinborough award, you tend to learn a lot about yourself, including about your own strengths and weaknesses. Making it easier to know how to answer those odd questions that get thrown around at job interviews, therefore making it more likely that you will get the job. Furthermore, it should mean that people have more idea of what they want to do career wise, meaning that they are set up for a career more tailored to their strengths, thus they should be more likely to succeed as adults. What is more, is that it means there are more things to put on the CV. Therefore, it is easy to see how overachieving at an early age could put one in a good stead to attain success as an adult. 

The Downside of being an Overachiever 

To start with, it may be harder for overachievers to fit in, which may result in bullying. Meaning that although their school experience would be “successful,” they may not feel happy while there. What is more, if they become hyper fixated on achieving as much as possible, this could result in elevated stress, which could increase the risk of them struggling with mental health problems. It could also ironically result in the over achiever having incredibly low self esteem, because of them being more likely to attach their self worth to their achievements, instead of them being able to see their value just as a person. Meanwhile, they are more likely to become excessively upset if they make a small mistake, rather than sweep it under the carpet. Furthermore, the more someone tries to do with their lives, the more likely they are to procrastinate. This is because overachievers are often likely to be perfectionists, and concerning perfectionism, anything that is not the best simply is not good enough. Meaning that it is likely the perfectionist could also be afraid at trying things in case it does not go as well as they wish. This could constraint the liklihood of people who are very capable and talanted of attaining the successes they are capable of later in life.

Why are there so Many Overachievers 

It does not help that we are embedded in a culture which is driven by competition and perfectionism, where success is defined by status, performance, and appearance. This means that young people are more likely to turn to wanting to achieve more, to be viewed in a more positive light. Moreover, these values are transmitted to children nonverbally through adult’s emotional states and through what they notice, are impressed with, and praise or discourage in them. Which is unsurprising considering the culture we are in. Therefore, while parents may be unaware that they are putting their children under a lot of pressure, parents could still nonverbally give off the message that they are happier with their children when they are achieving things like higher grades. Meanwhile, the education system exerts a lot of pressure on young people. 

Overachievers and Privilege 

On top of schoolwork, often overachivers are likely to attend a vast range of extra curriculiar activities. And as you can guess, this is going to cost money. Therefore, in order to achieve loades as a young person, it really helps if your parents are wealthy. Furthermore, if one is from a privileged background, then it is more likely that they will end up at a private or selective school, which again makes it more likely that they will attain higher grades. 

How to make things better for the Overachiever? 

To make things easier for people who are likely to be “overachievers,” to start with it is important that parents can recognise the potential downsides associated with this. This way, they should arrange activities for the child to partake in for the sake of enjoyment, rather than for the sake of attaining as many awards as possible. Moreover, schools should recongise the importance of not putting too much pressure on young people. What I would say really does not help, is the recent changes to the GCSE system making it from A* to E, to 9-1, where it becomes harder to achieve the very top grade. Finally, it is important to consider the culture we are in, which is hyperfocused on productivity, which is partly the cause of pressures that young people face in the first place. 

Overall then, it can be seen why being an over achiever will not always necessarily be a positive thing for young people, because of the consequences associated with it. Nonetheless, it is important to be aware of ways in which the pressure upon young people can be reduced. 

Link to my Podcast on this Post!

Vape Culture


Let us consider all the disgusting habits that people have. There are drugs, heavy drinking, and then there is the obnoxious habit of smoking. Not pleasant for passers-by, and not great for the smoker either. Nevertheless, there is a nice replacement commonly known as vaping. These days, every high street seems to have at least one of those vape shops, and if it doesn’t, then you are bound to find a corner shop which sells the juices anyhow, and if all else fails, then you are guaranteed to find those little disposable bars as an alternative. Therefore, most likely you would resent resorting to smoking cigarettes, because you are too aware of how unhealthy it is. 

“Vape Culture” 

While most people start vaping to quit smoking cigarettes, there is a cool vibe which vape shops have about them. Because while each of the so called vape lounges operate as a shop, they also operate as a “kind of neighborhood bar,” where each new customer receives a familiar greeting and an exchange of pleasantries. Furthermore, there is a sense of unity at vape shops, in that people are connected by how they have or are trying to give up cigarettes, and that they are afraid of new governmental regulations which may come into place, to “destroy their newfound habit and hobby.” This way, those who frequently visit vape shops to purchase their products, do not just feel as if they are going into a shop, but they feel that they are part of a wider community. Therefore, customers are likely to have a positive experience going into vape shops, therefore they are more likely to return. They even have trade shows, fairs and conventions relating to vaping which offer an array of products, parties, and vaping contests. Therefore, it is easy to see how it has evolved into more of a culture or community.  

Of course, influencers and celebrities have also advocated the usage of vaping with Leonardo Dicaprio, Katy Perry and Tom Hardy all being known to vape, according to study breaks.com. American mass-media more frequently publishes photos of actors and other famous people with vaporizers in their hands, just like it did in the past with celebrities smoking. Vaping is also used in modern music videos or commercials where the smoke from the vaporizers is used as steam for special effects. Now while this is far from ideal, it is easy to see why young people would be more likely to get hooked as a result, it is better than being presented with a load of very underweight-looking models smoking cigarettes. Meanwhile it becomes easy to see how there must be something very cool about these dumbass tricks where blowing clouds has become some badass sport, where vapers use the highest power vape mods to produce the biggest clouds. It has even become competitive, where there are even sponsors involved.  

Vaping and Toxic Masculinity? 

According to vice again, many argue that vaping has a “toxic masculinity” problem, mainly because of smokers being more likely to be male, therefore it is likely to be the case that more people trying to give up by smoking are also likely to be male, even though a greater proportion of smokers who turn to vaping in attempt to give up are female. Although what exemplifies this, are the odd behaviors associated with vaping, including vaping into someone’s face. Which just happens to scream America and fragile masculinity at the same time.  

Advantages of Vaping 

For a start, vaping is deemed 95% safer than vaping, which is obviously a substantial amount. And although we are not aware of all the long-term impacts, vaping has been popular for a lot longer than two years, and while the effects of smoking on the body can be documented after two years, “the users of vapor products showed no negative health issues.” Suggesting that vaping is healthier than smoking, at least in the short run. Moreover, in the US, the rise in experimentation with vaping among college students has been accompanied by record declines in cigarette smoking according to study breaks. Therefore, while vaping is by no means ideal, it does present a healthier option to smoking, and it has discouraged many from starting up smoking. Whilst it does not lead to a ton of cigarette buts being dropped on the floor, although saying this, one could easily drop one of the plastic disposables on the floor instead. 

The Downfalls of Vaping 

Short run impacts of vaping can include dehydration and migraines, especially considering that it is easy to overdo vaping when trying it for the first time. Furthermore, whilst they do not contain some of the toxic substances that cigarettes contain, most of them still contain nicotine. And nicotine can harm parts of the brain that control attention and learning, can increase risk of mood and attention problems, can harm the developing brain, and it can be addictive. Also, , some vape shops make their own juice, which could result in one is using something with higher concentrations of nicotine than they think, meaning that they could end up getting more addicted to nicotine rather than succeeding with trying to wean themselves off it. One last thing is that anyone selling vape products is obviously trying to make a profit. Therefore, it is unsurprising that there is such a range of fancy flavors, meaning that more people would be inclined to try it, especially young people. 

Impacts of Vaping on Young People 

With over 7000 flavors available, between 2011 and 2019, the number of high school students using e-cigarettes grew from 1.5% to 27.5%. Furthermore, sales of e-cigarettes with 4% or greater nicotine concentration increased from 12.3% of the market to 74.7%, whilst zero nicotine products made up less than 1% of the market. Suggesting that young people who take up vaping are likely to get hooked on nicotine. What’s more, the impact of vaping is not something that is well known with parents, where studies show that parents receive little communication from schools concerning the impacts of vaping. Being unaware of the detrimental impact of nicotine on teenagers, whilst most did not know that JUUL pods contained nicotine. 

So now we know that vaping is an interesting culture. Plus, whilst vaping has its advantages and disadvantages, it is reasonable to contend that the advantages do outweigh the disadvantages. Because even though it has been proven that young people are likely to get hooked, it is better than being hooked on smoking actual cigarettes. Although, at the same time, it is important to be aware of the cheekiness of vape shops, in that they are trying to make more money by appealing to children. 

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The Sad Girl


You know what sucks. Feeling upset, hurt or really just sad. Perhaps it has finally been made clear that the guy or girl who you were interested in did not really have the same feelings for you, perhaps you were unable to afford to see your favourite band play or perhaps one of your good friends no longer seems at all interested in being friends with you. But I will tell you what’s worse, and that is battling mental illness or unresolved trauma. Yes, it was horrible, and it felt incredibly isolating. And since there was no one who you could really chat to at the time, there was just one way by which we could make ourselves feel a little better. This being a seemingly horrible looking online community from an outside perspective, but it felt rather nice if you were part of it. One where the state of being sad was almost romanticised.  It felt safe, and you could openly be sad without any of the stigma that was usually attached. In fact, it was almost enjoyable.  

What is the Sad Girl

According to the Capacious Journal, the sad girl is most present on Tumblr and Instagram. A typical example of content circulated by sad girls would be something like an animated text reading something like “having a threesome with anxiety and depression;” quite possibly in glitter writing. Although this may seem a little strange from an outsiders perspective, often expressing it in some way can be very helpful. As it is not always easy for people to speak about it in a serious manner, especially if their family and/or friends are not of the most understanding. Therefore, it is easier for the young person to turn to a community where they are able to talk about their struggles in a humorous manner. While of course discussing something in a jokey way makes it easier to talk about. Although, there may be some who would suggest that it would be more constructive to seek a therapist. Nonetheless, whilst therapy is something that is very important, when one is stuck in a toxic environment which is quite common for young people, it can be very difficult to recover. Whilst therapy takes time, and it is something that many people who may need it, do not necessarily have access to. Therefore, taking to posts portraying general feelings of unhappiness and struggles with mental illness can provide some means of feeling better at the time, and it can also enable people to gain an insight into their problems, meaning that they would be more able to grow from it in the future. 

Problems with the Sad Girl

 Nonetheless, there are some problems with the sad girl portrayal, which need to be discussed. As the article continues, “among the sad girls…sadness and depression become normal,” being something to “strive for” and even becomes cool. Which can result in consequences. For instance, there is the problem of these posts reaching the wrong audience, and by that, I mean very young audiences who do not understand the messages behind these posts, or this portrayal. This could lead to these people perceiving being mentally ill as something that is “cool,” meaning they would be more likely to self diagnose. Therefore, people who are actually struggling would be less likely to be taken seriously. Furthermore, it could potentially lead young women to decide to remain confortable in a state of unhappiness, rather than take steps to begin healing when they are in a position to do so. 

There are many artists who could resemble the sad girl, but today I will focus on Lana Del Rey. Her music most certainly matches up to the sad girl vibe, with glorifying states of melancholia and even abuse. And, I know from experience that a large element of her fan base are young teenage girls. And because of hearing those lyrics at a young age, these experiences become normalised. This could result in young women being less likely to open up about experiences with violence, and therefore reinforcing the patriarchal dominance of the man being above the woman in a relationship, which pushes back the feminist work concerning violence. 

Feminist Implications

Although according to some feminists, the sad girl portrayal is not all negative. As hellogiggles.com states, some feminists may claim that the movement has revolutionized what we perceive as a strong woman, by taking actions and emotions previously seen as weak and turning them into a strength. As I hope you will agree, expressing emotions doesn’t make one weak, in fact it is a sign of strength. Therefore, if women are more emotional than men, then it is a positive trait which needs to be celebrated rather than criticized. This way, it is a way of empowering women. Nonetheless, I would now like to put forth my point of view, in that the sad girl is in many ways rather anti-feminist. This is because it conveys the message that the Sad Girl is someone who yearns for a relationship, for a man, who cannot keep her mental state intact or be strong in life. Yet she gets treated badly by men. This implies that it is ok to remain in a toxic relationship or go for toxic men. If a younger teenager were to be exposed to this, they may see it as something which is completely fine, or even ideal, rather than trying to challenge the motions against being trapped in a unhealthy situation. Therefore, the general message it gives off, is that it is ok for women in dark places to seek unhealthy help through dangerous ways, rather than encouraging them to help themselves, or seek help in other ways such as through friends. Furthermore, it conveys the idea that women who are struggling basically require a man to save them, therefore it is very suggestive of the view that women are weaker than men.  

Conclusion

Another thing about the sad girl aesthetic is that it really is not inclusive at all. As lick.com states, the Internet Sad Girl only caters to the Sad White Girl. Meanwhile, the sadness and struggles of women of color or the sadness of the impoverished were and still are virtually ignored on social media. This makes sense, considering that more privileged people are more likely to have access to mental health resources, therefore they are more likely to be in the position where they are not only able to begin treatment, but in the position where they are made aware of what it is that they are suffering from. Furthermore, it is more likely that they will have more time on their hands to be able to find content which resonates with them online, compared to their less privileged counterparts who are more likely to have to work.  

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