Everybody loses friends sometimes, and it is never a nice thought. But especially when we are young, we are changing so much, and we are meeting so many new people that it is only natural. However, there is something special about remaining friends with those who we have been close with since childhood. This is because there is that deeper bond there, as you have basically grown up together, and you could say that those friends have almost become like family. As a young adult, you probably cherish all of the memories that you have together, both as children and as teenagers. Now, it is always lovely to catch up after a long time even though of course, you guys would have changed so much. Of course children, teenagers and adults are all very different from one another, but with life long friends, this can often only strengthen the friendship, and as adults, you will probably only laugh about those silly little quarrals, not to mention the gossip that occurred in the past. Because now, of course, you are both grown! But what happens if your lifelong friend doesn’t really ‘grow’, or if as an adult, you come to find that you do not like the adult that they have turned into?
Why I am writing this post
It has been over a year now since I cut her off. However, we have recently gotten back in touch, because she communicated something of importance to me that I needed to pass on, which did not concern our friendship. That situation felt strange, because whilst there was no doubt that I was going to communicate, it did bring back a flood of memories. There was of course part of me that wanted to try and rebuild the friendship, and if I’m honest, she seemed eager to do the same. Yet, I knew that it was probably not a good idea…
What Happened
For a long time, I could see that she possessed certain patterns and behaviours that I did not think were desirable. Nevertheless, I wanted to see the good in her, therefore I continued to maintain the friendship. And instead of blaming her for her behaviour, I would blame other people and always stick up for her, even if it looked like something was her fault. One of the main issues relating to this, is that looking back, I think that she was a lier. And I know that everyone lies, but the extent to which she lied was something else again. Whilst, she would not only lie about silly things, but I think that she also lied about really deep topics. Now, you might be reading this and wondering why I think that she was a compulsive lier. Well, I have two reasons to back it up. For a start, there were also things that she genuinely went through, and there are the things that I am less sure of. And funnily enough, she would speak about the things that she actually went through rather emotionally, and going into rather a lot of depth. With the rest of the stuff, the story would change slightly each time it was told, it seemed less deep, and she certainly didn’t seem as emotional about it. I also remember being with her when she would message straight up lies to others, and she would even admit that these were lies!
Another thing was gossip. And with this, I am just as much to blame as she is. We would both gossip, and be rather mean about some people. And I always found that after spending time with her, I would be a lot more gossipy and judgemental about others than when I wasn’t spending much time with her. I realised that my behaviour was actually pretty nasty, which was another reason why in the end, I decided that I did not want to be close with her.
“Cutting people off”
I think that it is generally wrong to cut people off without an explanation. This is because I do genuinely think that people can often change, especially when they are young, if they are told by those who are close to them how their behaviour is impacting others. Moreover, it can cause the person who has been cut off to feel really confused, hurt and even worried about the other person. I know that I cut her off without an explanation. This was early because I felt that she would be unlikely to listen, based on what I had been told by other people. I also wanted to save myself some emotional stress concerning how she would respond to the explanation. Also, I thought that at the time, there was less point in doing so considering that we were now living in different areas. Now, I do think that I should have explained to her why I cut her off, because whilst it was best for me not to ‘remain friends’, you never know the causes of someone’s behaviour, even if it is not for you to ‘fix’ (at the time, I really didn’t understand because it always appeared that she had had a reasonable childhood, and supportive family, but then you never know what goes on behind the scenes, and of course, childhood is not the only cause of behaviours like her’s).
A friend of mine also cut me off, a few years ago now, however she did give me an explanation before doing so. I still felt terrible, because the reason was because I was associating myself with toxic people who were, dare I say, ‘fake friends’ of hers. I also think that I was in the wrong, because I should have listened to her concerns more, although they were only implied lightly until that point. In all fairness, I was just about to turn eighteen, so I think that because I’m more mature now, and because she explained why she was about to cut me off, I don’t think that I would repeat this. However, I was still upset, I missed her and I was very worried about her.
What I regret
I regret the fact that I did not set more boundaries when I was younger. This is because if I had done so, I wouldn’t have ended up in the situation that I was in. It would have also enabled me to focus on developing and maintaining healthier friendships at that age. Also, as already said, I regret the fact that I did not cut her off when I was younger.
What I am glad about
Whilst I do have regrets, as sad as this sounds, I am glad that we are no longer close friends. If we were living in the same area, or if we had more to do with each other, at a later time, I may want to consider having some relationship with her, however I would have to be very aware of boundaries. However, because we mostly have little to do with each other, I do not think that there is much point in trying. This is because, whilst she might change as she gets older, you can never be certain. Meanwhile, in recent years, I have made and maintained friendships with some amazing people!
Personally Political 