How to Deal With Rejection

It was only yesterday when I walked into the room. The person I liked and the the person who I knew had told him (this was mutual so I’m glad) were both sat next to each other. The guy who I liked looked a little awkward especially when I walked in as you can imagine, then the other guy asked if I wanted to go down to the university cost cutter. Of course I said yes, but it was not good news. He was not looking for a relationship, and he probably appreciated me more as a friend. The news was a little confusing, and there were a lot of lines to read in-between. But at least he was mature about it, therefore the last thing that I wanted to do was be the baby. But, undoubtedly I was pretty upset. I chatted and joked about a bit, but I was a little more quiet than usual, and if anything so was he but he picked up. He certainly seemed a little awks too. I eat quite a bit more chocolate than usual, rather than deciding to make myself a proper meal when I got home. I also overheard him stating that he was not looking for a relationship, and complaining about another girl who was “pestering” him. But at least there was time for me to listen to some sad music when I got home. But I couldn’t cry. So instead I watched this Gilmore girls fan video of Lorelai and Max, with Max giving her all the love in the world, and Lorelai kind of rejecting it. It always makes me jealous as I desire that kind of love, so I eventually managed to get to bed and mope a little.

The following morning I woke up in a rather groggy mood. I was considering whether I should message this guy, but it is probably better not to unless he wants to say something first. I still do keep checking to see if he is active, but I think he is rather busy. This morning, instead of doing uni work, I decided to dedicate some time to this blog, whilst faffing around a bit because I have, and will be, rather busy. So I thought what’s better than venting about something I am feeling upset about. And from writing the personal update this morning, I am feeling quite a bit better. Therefore, here are some tips for dealing with a rejection.

1. Allow yourself time to be upset

This is probably the most important of all. Because being rejected is pretty upsetting, especially if the person had been living rent free inside your head for a good few weeks. Therefore, the worst thing you can do is surprise these rather nasty emotions, because then they never really leave. They will just stay there and linger for a considerable period of time, meaning that the situation will sit with you for a much longer period time than what you had hoped.

2. Open Up!

Even after letting yourself feel your feelings, this is likely to still be lingering in your mind. Therefore it is important to really allow yourself to open up! The only thing that I would however say, is that it is best to be careful who you tell and what advice that you take. Because hopefully most people are going to be supportive of you and listen, then tell you that there are other people and that you are amazing anyhow. Nonetheless, there may be some who may unintentionally make you feel a little bad, by changing the conversation around to their rather fluffier love life. Worse still, there may be some who try to convince you that this person may still have feelings. Also, when talking to them, try to avoid seeking reassurance about whether they may have had any feelings or not, because at the end of the day, regardless of whether they did or didn’t, the situation is that they were clearly not looking for the same thing as you were. This way, it was not meant to work out.

Another good way to let your feelings out, is by journalling or blogging. This way, you are writing stuff down, and sorting out the sad tangled mess in your head, to let it detangle and remove itself, enabling you to be happy again. Now if you already have a blog, especially one where you talk about personal issues, then by using it to write about your experience, you are not only helping yourself quite a lot, but you are also being rather productive.

1. Have empathy for the person who rejected you

Please don’t be silly. They are not being mean, and I am sure that they don’t hate you or see you as silly for rejecting you, but perhaps they just did not feel the same way, or they just are not looking for the same thing as you are. Because, providing that you are fairly mature, then if you found out that someone liked you, you would not think ill of them. Just prevent yourself from pestering them. Leading on from this, they may feel a tad of guilt for rejecting you, this way the last thing you want to do for them or yourself is make it worse by trying to hold onto them, when you know for certain that it is not going to go anywhere.

3. Whatever you do, don’t blame yourself

If the person responds particularly negatively and starts to make fun or you or starts criticising you, then honestly it is not on you but it is on them. Because their ego is so inflated to the point where they will beat others down only to make themselves feel better and in their minds, look better. Moreover, as someone who sometimes struggles with a lot of negative thoughts about myself, it is important to remember that there could be many reasons for the rejection. They may well have found you attractive, but they did not feel ready to commit, which is very common, especially among young men. Moreover, even if there were no feelings there, there are other people who will find you attractive.

4. Don’t block them out

Inevitably after the first few days, you might want a bit of space. But if you guys see each other on a regular basis, or if you guys are friends, then you shouldn’t stop yourself from chatting to them. After all, friendships are really important, and would you really want to lose this person as a friend, when you could move on and find someone else? Knowing that both of you enjoyed the conversations that you had.

5. Don’t neglect yourself

The worst thing you want to do when something has let you down is begin to let yourself down. This means not turning toward the person who you were talking to in the past who really wasn’t good for you, avoid being embarrassingly impulsive (alcohol will not cure anything in the long run), and try and live a generally healthy lifestyle.

6. Spend time with people who mean something to you

This can basically mean friends, family or yourself. This is important so that you can focus instead on those you care about, and so that you can be reminded of how important you are to so many people. Plus it means that in your free time, you will be actively doing something, rather than being bored in your home. Consistently switching between snapchat, Facebook and instagram. Honestly, it is not worth it! Meanwhile, as mentioned this can mean just doing something on your own, which can work well if you are more introverted or if all of your friends are busy. Just think of the new book that you have been intending to read for a while, yet you haven’t quite gotten round to it, that new place that you wanted to walk to or a recipe that you wanted to try.

7. Focus on yourself and your life- especially for the near future!

Finally, as clique as this sounds, the most important relationship you will have is one with yourself. Therefore, it is important to look to the future for your own sake. Just think about what could be around the corner for you, providing that you go put yourself out there and go for it. This way, perhaps start working on that project you wanted to work on, find time to do more things for yourself and work on becoming a better person all round.