Happy Monday, and Yes this is a very happy Monday! We shall all have an incredibly productive day, followed by a nice, well deserved rest. Just as long as we make sure that we stay healthy, you know by eating the right greens and going for a nice long afternoon jog, then everything else will fall in place. See, we have a choice. Oh? You’re saying things are difficult at the moment? Oh don’t worry! It could be far worse, and you are all such amazing people. Let’s just brush it off, and look on the bright side!
Heard enough? Well I imagine that it is not the first time you have heard/read words similar to these. Maybe you have been told these things by other people, and you feel that it is the right thing to do as they do seem wiser and smarter than you. And apparently happier. However perhaps you even hear these words occurring in your own mind.
But let’s be real… Have any off you actually thrived off having this kind of mindset? Or is it just a load of “toxic” blabber?
Sounding Superficial
Right, so there are a good number of sources I would say on the internet, probably in books, and off other people, which tell us how we need to think in order to simply feel better and basically thrive in life. Such as “Positive vibes only”, “don’t worry, be happy” or “Failure is not an option.” Now what do you think? Sound’s great doesn’t it? But if things were really that simple, everyone could be a lot happier.
Of course this can manifest in relationships between people, because as an example people who let themselves be dominated by toxic positivity are then perceived to be the sort of person whom others feel they cannot express anything but “good vibes” around them. Meaning others are less likely to feel as if they can “be themselves” when they are around them. Subsequently this is going to weaken the relationship, because neither person is being truly open. But what does this look like on a larger scale? Well generally it means people are reluctant to be as open about more negative aspects in their lives, and more negative feelings they may be experiencing. Furthermore this is definitely true on social media, as after spending about a minute on it, it becomes obvious that most people are only really posting about the most positive parts of their lives, and are hiding everything else.
Won’t work
Rather than toxic positivity enabling us to go on and feel better about ourselves, this is unlikely to work as instead it only causes us to sideline our problems. This means that we don’t confront our issues, meaning they are only intensified as time progresses. Therefore, sometimes “looking on the bright side” isn’t only ineffective, but it can be very unhealthy.
What we are missing out on
To start with, toxic positivity is preventing us from really growing as people, because in reality we are not really addressing our problems in order to overcome them. Plus there has also been research to show that accepting negative emotions, rather than avoiding them, is beneficial for psychological health and well-being. This is referred to as “emotional acceptance.”
Am I Taking this a bit too far?
Although I am opposed to toxic positivity, I do strongly believe in the importance of remaining positive, especially while we are in the middle of a pandemic. But there’s an enormous difference between trying to incorporate positive activities and hopefully thoughts into our daily lives, and trying to brush off, ignore or refuse to talk about any kind of negative feeling we may be experiencing.
What to say instead
So I admit that I have engaged in toxic positivity in the past. Not intentionally, but often there is the feeling of the need to provide some optimistic and seemingly helpful advise to someone. However often what is most important is knowing that someone cares. Therefore rather than saying something along the lines of “just don’t worry”, acknowledge that it is ok for them to feel anxious and let them know that you are there for them. Meanwhile, this may be slightly controversial, but I would say that sometimes acknowledging that it is a difficult situation they are going through, can be very important.
Whilst if you feel that toxic positivity is being put up upon you, then don’t be afraid to speak up, because often people genuinely do not realise that what they are trying to say isn’t helpful, so otherwise they would listen.
Sources: Toxic Positivity: The Dark Side of Positive Vibes (thepsychologygroup.com)
Toxic positivity: What is it and why is it ruining all of our lives? (thetab.com)
‘Toxic Positivity’ Is Real — and It’s a Problem During the Pandemic (healthline.com)
What Is Toxic Positivity? How To Spot It (And Avoid Spreading It) | British Vogue
7 signs your can-do attitude is actually ‘toxic positivity’ | Well+Good (wellandgood.com)
What Is Toxic Positivity & Why Do We Do It? (refinery29.com)
Grumpy Leftist Bitch 
💜 As ever a well thought out well written treatise everyone; the source of “Toxic Positivity” is MMHI (Multiple Mental Health Issues) brought on by conditioned upbringing being undmitted, unacknowledged and unddressed…walking on eggshells is an unfortunate consequence of having interaction with a “Toxic Positivity” type personality on a hair trigger; but “…I’m not a bloody social worker…”, ‘Hot Mess’~ Chromeo and I point the “Toxic Positivity” types in the direction of professional mental health help whether free or paid for
…💛💚💙…
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Thankyou for commenting, and interesting explanation. I have considered this being a reason myself and it certainly does make sense to me. It is extremely sad thinking about it.
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Ah, good vibes only, because that’s what one would expect at a funeral, right? 🙄
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I know, toxic positivity and quotes like this can make things sm worse 😥
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I agree with this on so many levels, 👏👏👏
Wtf is if a little ant can do it, why can’t you??? Like does it even make any sense, I am no ant!!! Your motivation won’t take me out of my problems, I know neither my whining will but if only people listen Instead of throwing positive quotes on me, things will be a little bit better 💗💗💗
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Agreed, nothing worse imo than people just throwing around positive quotes while scarcely listening.
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This is a very interesting blog post! And I love the term toxic positivity. Yes, social media shows the edited version of the truth.
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Thankyou, and I agree with you❤
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Toxic positivity is harmful to one’s well being
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Agreed!
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Interesting post! I never really thought about the downsides of false positivity.
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Thankyou, sadly toxic positivity is sugar coated in a way in that it is harder to see the negative sides of it. But there are many issues with it 🙂
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YES. this is such a huge problem at my current workplace, and it’s something I actively want to get away from. Thanks for sharing.
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Yeah it certainly isn’t great and I feel it can be especially strong within the workplace.
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I don’t think I’ve ever heard the term ‘toxic positivity’, but it’s a good one. I fully agree with all the things you’ve said. I too feel the need to try and keep an optimistic view of events, but not so much that it warps what actually happened, or makes me blind to what could happen. As you said, that can be a very harmful outlook.
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Agreed! And I hadn’t heard it until recently. It annoys me so much when you talking to someone, then they immediately give you a load of crap like “you can choose to be happy”, or”just don’t think about it”😤
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Love, love, love this! To me, toxic positivity leads too feelings of loneliness. It makes me feel like I am not allowed to feel what I feel but also, the other party does not engage with my problem.
My experience is that after I have felt bad for a while and after some complaining, I have recharged and am ready to try again!
Kudos for your article!
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Thankyou for the comment, and I can certainly see how it can lead to lonliness. To not feel lonely, it is important that we not only interact with others, but that we can open up about how we are feeling to them❤
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Gotta walk through the storms to get through them and I would never consider that process positive. We have to feel what we feel and acknowledge it so as to understand ourselves better and then hopefully open up and talk about it, and yes it can be very lonely. Good article. Nice to have found you. Tony, Finding Subjects Podcast
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Thankyou, and I entirely agree
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